I... I need someone to talk to.

[KellyJameson]

You appear to be a sensitive soul living in intolerable conditions. Your writing speaks to a high intellect which often travels with the sensitivities you display.

Creating an environment that complements your sensitivities is crucial to your happiness and survival.

Only by increasing your freedom of choice will there be any hope for you and this will take time.

I would strongly urge you to be careful of placing yourself in any kind of abusive or exploitive situations whether with girlfriends, family or employers because you will be the one used and than thrown away as often happens to sensitive people.

You need to see yourself clearly so that you know what type of world to build for yourself.

You probably are creative and people who are creative MUST create. It is a compulsion that must be served.

Your mind must be fed just as your stomach does and it must be stretched just as your muscles are.

The life you are living is abusing your mind and this is causing your severe pain.

Finding a career that suits your temperament is essential to your happiness and survival and second to that you must be careful of the sexual relationships you enter into because with your sensitivities only sensitive women such as yourself will respond well to you.

Watch out for predatory women because it is likely you will draw them into your life and be drawn to them for rescue.

Consider your loves and passions when considering your work. If you love books or the arts or nature or animals try to find ways to work in areas that complement these interests.

Consistently I have noticed that men who crossdress are highly sensitive and gravitate to the arts or sciences and this may be true for you.

If you have a strong interest in fashion or something related to this than that is another area that may be a stepping stone toward a career for you.

You are drifting like a rudderless ship and I think this may come from not knowing how to fit into the world so that you bring value to it and so the world can return value to you.

You may need to leave the area of the country you live in to pursue opportunities elsewhere and this will take courage and financial resources.

The depression will resolve itself as you begin to experience the hope that small successes bring.

You need to expand your world to expand your choices because it is only in these expanded choices where you will find the building blocks that will be needed to bring you happiness.

Think of yourself as drowning in a swamp and you must find a way to swim out of it.