I think I was taken aback by how allowing me some outward behaviors was just allowing me to manifest who I am. I am not allowed in daily life to act feminine. It would confuse people if I were to do so, make my wife scared, make people at work wonder if I was having a breakdown. So the epiphany was that it came so naturally, it was part of me that needed expression.
Rule number three: Don't use the word persona when you're describing what is really a state of being.
I think I'm getting posts that are confusing persona, personality and what I'd call identity. I wasn't clear in my post, and will hopefully be able to articulate this better in the future. But where I felt this exhilaration of being me, I described it as donning a persona. Wrong. I acted as I wanted to, how it felt naturally, and was me. It just so happens that it was feminine.
Which brings up a question; is gender a learned behavior, or is it innate, and outward expressions are a manefestation of that state of being. This is where we all see the most masculine women who always read as women. There's a physical state of being, an expressive set of actions and an internal identity. I have just come to see my internal identity and my external mannerisms are helping facilitate. Now if I could just get that damn physical part in line with the rest of me.
Make sense?
Darla
