I will tell you the truth as I have experienced it.

Before I came here, I was extraordinarily timid as a CD. I was so far down in the closet that "up" was for astronomers. How could I possibly tell my fiancee about this part of me? She'd totally freak out! And, oh no, I could never, ever, ever step outside my front door wearing a dress! And if my family members ever found out, they'd probably disown me!

Flash forward to now. I've discovered that my fiancee was actually far more accepting and supportive than I'd have given her credit for. I have walked the streets and the shopping malls as Amy, unafraid...heavens, I have walked down Colfax Avenue in broad daylight in a pink lace dress, something which, if you'd told me a year ago that I was going to do that, I would have asked you exactly what you'd been smoking, and how much! And not all of my family knows...but my mother does, and she's even seen me on video as Amy, and she seems to accept my happiness in that role.

And in the process, I've acquired the skills to present in what many have called a passable fashion, and to project femininity, beauty, even sex appeal (if you go by what my fiancee has said, vetoing some of my pictures as "too provocative to post"). I've acquired unique perspectives; never again will I complain about how long it takes a woman to get ready to go out, and I finally understand some of what Imelda Marcos felt (which is a bit scary!). And I've acquired something more than that...I've acquired girlfriends (in the feminine sense of the word), sisters of the soul that I care about, some of whom I only know through online communications, some of whom I have met in real life. I may be more of a social butterfly as Amy than I ever was as my male self...

And I have come to see that, far from being somehow "bad" or "broken," I have been given a gift...the ability to see and appreciate life from the female perspective as well as from the male. Like Tiresias incarnate, I have crossed between the poles, and will continue to do so. I will probably go no farther along the line that continues towards "true" transsexual, but I don't feel I need to. I am more than "just" male, or "just" female. I am the sum of my selves, and it's up to me to use those two selves to make me a better person overall.

This is some of what this forum has given me. I do not and cannot speak for anyone else; I can only relay my own truth.

- Amy