Michelle789, I read through your initial post and I remember going through nearly everything you have, at one point of my life or another. And more. None of it defines whether you are CD, TS or something in between. Neither does whether you're attracted to men or women sexually; gender identity and who we're attracted to are completely separate things. It comes down to what you feel yourself to be, and, more important, why you feel that way. I thought I was TS for the longest time, until I figured out where those feelings were coming from. And no, knowing why, does not stop those feelings from happening! Every day, from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, there's this feeling in the back of my mind telling me that I'm supposed to behave, and dress, as a girl. I know why it's there. I know that it's wrong. I know that it's not going to go away, so I deal with it a day at a time. It took me decades to figure it all out. Maybe you're smarter than me; you have the whole internet available for information; I did not, I lived through the years with virtually no gender identity information available to me at all. Like others, I would suggest that you try to find a therapist familiar with gender identity cases; they may not know everything, but it will be a start, and at least you will have an accepting person to talk to. Next, read. And read some more. Don't accept every theory out there; many are offered by the person who's life and feelings were used as the example for the theory. My own bio in the writers forum (link at the bottom of my posts) will give you some idea of some of the psychological mechanisms at work; however, just because that is what did it to me, doesn't mean that it applies to everyone who has questions about their own gender identity. Good luck. If you have any questions, PM me, I will do my best to answer to the best of my knowledge.
