I haven't done anything in guy mode, ANYTHING, in 2 months. I go everywhere presenting as female. If I go without makeup, I don't pass. (Faint beard shadow >>>> fake boobs.) I tell people "I'm Paula." If I have to transact business, that requires ID and stuff, I have to use my legal male name, but I make sure and give them a subtle hint "BUT YOU CAN CALL ME 'PAULA'!!!!"Originally Posted by Nicole Erin
But yeah, court stuff is kind of a special case. I'll have a couple more in the upcoming weeks. (a minor surgical procedure, an electrolysis consult at E3K, and a wedding.) The minor surgical procedure, I'm sure I'll just wear girl stuff without forms / wig. Sadly, I'll probably need a couple of these, and they aren't really trans related. For the E3K consult, I'm thinking I can combine several things that are really easier to do in guy mode on a day when presenting female won't be very easy, because I'll have 2-3 days of beard growth. (I'll file the court proceeding, and get my actual hair cut, which it needs.) The wedding, what can I say, I can't avoid this, it's my son, and I can't present female for it, mostly because of how badly people will treat my son. So as much as I'd rather take a belt sander to my face, I'll go as a dude for that. FML, as they say.
Switching back to guy mode feels like cheating, and it's uncomfortable. I'm not afraid of the outside world - at all - which rationally I know in some instances is NOT the correct emotional response. Hence this thread.
I'm finding that being almost completely unconcerned with what other people think about me has it's own special problems - namely the chance that in my fearlessness, I'll do something spectacularly dumb, and make life much harder than it needs to be later. I have a friend in Tulsa who was the same way - and she's paying for it in some respects now. It's a good lesson - but hard, because emotional me is WAY stupider than intellectual me.
Starting out is hard, right?
