Are there accepting boyfriends or husbands of CDs out there ?

[cdmorganashley]

Hi, It seems there are an abundance of posts on here about members who are working on telling their female SOs, and some who have supportive female SOs, but I haven't found many posts about gay or bi CDs and their male SOs... so I am wondering if there are many male SOs out there and how do they react... I would also like to hear about CDs with CD SOs (I know that's a lot of abbreviating)...

Personally, I would be interested in a lot of these scenarios as I am bi, but I haven't come across a lot of postings that talk about these type of relationships... I personally don't have much experience with these dynamics so I would really appreciate anyone willing to share their experiences.

[CONSUELO]

I have been in a relationship with a gay male who loves me to dress up. He delights in sitting on the couch while I try on various items of lingerie and dresses and walk the 'catwalk" for him. He is happy to go out with me when I am fully dressed and treats me as if I were indeed a woman. I feel completely feminine around him and he tells me that when I am dressed he notices that I walk and stand differently and much like a woman would. I feel completely fulfilled when with him.

[Christa]

I "came out" to my guy about being a crossdresser after more than 15 years together. I would characterize his reaction as accepting, but not embracing. He's not interested in seeing me as Christa, but I feel relieved that I don't have to hide my drag bag anymore.

I'm not sure it's different coming out to a woman vs. coming out to a gay male partner. But I'd be curious to hear from other gay guys who have a CD partner. It's a rare breed of guy who has the confidence and compassion to be with a CD, IMHO.

[Barbara Dugan]

I am still looking that kind of relationship but most of the guys I met are just interested on Barbara or they are married

[Lorileah]

Accepting males. Yeah I have met a few. Now let's get to the nitty gritty. Are they accepting enough to have a relationship and go places besides a gay bar or their home (they won't even pop for a motel) for 30 minutes of fun (for them)? Nope those are far between.

[Sabrina133]

Hi, It seems there are an abundance of posts on here about members who are working on telling their female SOs, and some who have supportive female SOs, but I haven't found many posts about gay or bi CDs and their male SOs... so I am wondering if there are many male SOs out there and how do they react... I would also like to hear about CDs with CD SOs (I know that's a lot of abbreviating)...

Personally, I would be interested in a lot of these scenarios as I am bi, but I haven't come across a lot of postings that talk about these type of relationships... I personally don't have much experience with these dynamics so I would really appreciate anyone willing to share their experiences.

Well, I know there are a few of us here who are in a wonderful relationship with an accepting male. As for me, my experience was not so great. When i met my male SO, he didn't know i dressed - how he miss dont don't know. Anyway, when he realized i preferred to live as a woman, it ended badly. As your BF accepts and loves you as a woman - hon embrace it and make him happy.

[ReineD]

I'm not sure it's different coming out to a woman vs. coming out to a gay male partner. But I'd be curious to hear from other gay guys who have a CD partner. It's a rare breed of guy who has the confidence and compassion to be with a CD, IMHO.

There was a long running thread about this two years ago. Nine pages of post from gay CDers who mostly agree with you. Have a look:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ends+doing+how

[Sabrina133]

In my experience, gay men don't like feminine men who dress and like to present as women.

[Beth Wilde]

I'm a gay CD in a relationship with another gay CD, it really is the best of both worlds! The bottom link in my signature goes to the UK based site where we met and has a pic of us together and a link to my partners profile too.

[Karen_Ski]

Yes there are men out there who do accept us as the girls we are however they are perhaps rarer than accepting GG's. I have been out forever, well since the early 80's and have "dated" many men. Granted most were in it for strictly the sex and early on in my development to me that meant acceptance. I have learned a lot since those days. Sure most of the tranny chasers out there are just out for a one-night stand or see us as a way of expressing their latent bi-sexual tendencies without admitting it to themselves there are a few true admirers of us.

I am seeing a gentleman currently that seems to be one, we go out as a couple for dinner, to the show, dancing, etc. Last weekend we went to the zoo so it is showing tendencies of a mainstream relationship. Sure we end up at my place or his for some fun but don't most heterosexual couples do the same? The accepting men are out there but you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince! :D

[Mink]

after years of little to no lucky with The Ladies and always wondering if i might be possibly into dudes as well ... well i finally met some guy and had a bit of experience and still am on the fence! and then a month later met ANOTHER guy who for some odd reason also was into me (it weirds me out!)

so now i go from no guy ever to TWO and i'm not sure i want to date or what ... and if i should tell them about my THING

it'd be great to be accepted and experiment with what it feels like (for a girl! hehe!) by that i mean just wearing something cute and seeing how i like it... but i fear either rejection or just casual "sorry not into that" type response and well... that'd kinda make me sad... but it may be somewhere down the line

you raise a good point though that for all the wife talk and coming out to spouses or girly friends i rarely read on here HOW DO I COME OUT TO MY BF! ha! ... which is kind of a strange situation in my mind but who knows!

i can see that thing of Gay Men want MEN ... well so do straight women! ... surely you'd think a gay man would be a bit more open minded than some vanilla woman? who knows... maybe not!

i too often wonder about having a fellow crossdresser as a partner... it'd really be amazing ... someone who totally gets it... and would be "into" it hardcore...

i've never really looked too much into trying to find that but who knows maybe down the line ...

[maya1love]

It's so great to see this discussion. As Reine has said, check out a thread from a few years ago about this topic. In addition, check out our flickr group called "Gay Men Who Crossdress and the Gay Men Who Admire Them" at http://www.flickr.com/groups/gaymenwhocrossdress/. Best wishes everyone!

[Abigail Flame]

So I've been actively seeking a boyfriend myself and since I am fairly new to being a CD was wondering how I should present myself. As a (blossoming?) CD first or bisexual male first? I am assuming most males seeking a relationship with a CD may not really want to identify themselves with being bisexual, or as Lorileah (love the name by the way!) pointed out, are only seeking sort term encounters. Is that a false assumption? What do you girls think?

[mariehart]

My experience with a gay guy was that he didn't like seeing me dressed. I looked like a woman and it did nothing for him. The only time I tried it he wasn't comfortable. He was nice about it but in the end it finished our relationship. Otherwise who knows where it would have ended up although I have to say he wasn't really macho enough for me either.

I have to say though that if two CDs were together. It might work, as long they didn't keep stealing each other's make up and underwear.

[Mink]

that is def. the other thing i don't see much of... why aren't CDers who are seeking men seeking other CDers? is it because they want a "REAL" man and not have to compete with another woman? ha! ... it's really confusing to me...

but man ... i mean i know it's going on out there on a more short term / one night stand level / purely sexual... but actual relationship... if not committed then maybe a sort of good CD friends who do fun things together but then maybe a bit extra!

i mean on a forum for CDs i just find it weird looking back over years of topics how little you see about this ... i'm sure most of that has to do with how many are married or in relationships with women but i'm always curious

[Abigail Flame]

Has anyone ever polled the group to determine how many of us are in or seeking same-sex (same genetic sex?) relationships?

[SometimesJen]

Morgan, you asked 2 questions, "about gay or bi CDs and their male SOs" and "CDs with CD SOs (I know that's a lot of abbreviating)".

I was just talking about this type of relationship with a close gay friend a few days ago (what a coincidence). We talk freely about how I'm almost his ideal build and how much that turns him on, and even moreso since I'm bi. I recently came out to him as a cd and asked whether that knowledge or seeing me dressed as a female would affect his attraction. While he has many female friends, he has virtually zero sexual attraction to women. Even the thought of female genitalia repulses him. He said that as long as he sees and thinks of me as male, he's still very attracted. If he thinks of me as male but dressed female it's a challenge to get aroused, but it's possible. He hasn't seen me so yet, but he thinks that if he saw me fully dressed as Jen, that he'd be turned off stone cold until I changed back to male presentation. He said that if I were his partner and came out to him, he wouldn't summarily end the relationship but it would be a huge challenge to stay in it because he needs that sexual attraction for a romantic relationship and anything that gets in the way would lessen his attraction. After all, if he wanted to be with a woman he would have chosen a female partner to begin with.

I'm not quite sure if I fit in your second question or not, because I'm a bi cd and my partner's a bi gg, not a gm. She and I also had this type of discussion last week. She's fabulously supportive, even enthusiastic, about my dressing and asked how I'd feel about her if she came out as a cd (cd'ing as male). I'll admit, it was a little challenging for me. No matter how she dressed, as long as I still saw her in my mind as the same partner I fell for I'd have no problem with it, but if I saw her as male - as a different person - I'd have to form that bond all over again.

Mink wrote... "i too often wonder about having a fellow crossdresser as a partner... it'd really be amazing ... someone who totally gets it... and would be "into" it hardcore... [sic]" Would it make any difference whether your cd partner saw themselves as the same person, only in different clothes, or as a completely different person?

Abigail, you asked how to present yourself. Think about who you feel you are and what your partner is looking for. Are they looking for a cd male, a bi male, a trans female? Consider how you want them to know you and then show it.

[ArleneRaquel]

I doubt that my BF would be with me if I were a GG. Does that make him gay ? He says "no way", is he being honest with himself or me ? He is a nice getnle person who finds me attractive and fun. I don't find myself very attractive, or passable, but he finds me good company and he takes me out to non-gay venues every week, and he is very outgoing with others when I'm with him and goes out of his way to tell others that Arlene is his date and girlfriend, which brings joy, and tears(of joy), to this aging girl wanna be. Being accepted by him and others brings amazing amount of smiles to me. I have had a few other long term(one year or so) relationships with males, but when making it a life relationship they run faster Wily Coyate to get away. I hope this post makes some sense & is relevant to the topic. I had to say something on this thread.

[Kate Simmons]

There are some I guess but my own personal experience with gay couples is that while one partner may tolerate the other being a drag queen to perform or whatever, they don't really cotton to them being girly CD's. To me it doesn't make much sense but who am I to judge really? To each their own.

[Mink]

i also stand by the idea that it doesn't make much sense

they might not understand it but they're coming from a world where many out of it people don't understand someone being gay and why they'd do that (thinking it's some strange / sinful choice?) or who knows...

you'd think they'd be more open to it!

i also hate / don't get that whole "if i wanted a woman i'd get a REAL woman!"

uh... okay? ... what about liking the person and realizing they're just wearing different clothes / expressing who they truly are... if you don't dig that then you really don't understand or dig the person... it's who they are

dammit!

[maya1love]

Hi again:

Well, I've come to realize that if we talk about the "odds" of meeting gay men who will accept us as crossdressers, the odds are quite slim and the statistics are very discouraging. But, statistics are just statistics. I like to stay positive. You only need that one person. I have met gay men who have been fine (in varying degrees) with my dressing, but for one reason or the other, it hasn't worked out. I just recommend to get out there and show your true self to other people. Maybe you will meet that one man who can't get enough of you, dressed or not dressed!

[StephanieDragg]

current bf is wonderful, been seeing him over a year now, we are best friends as guys, and the bf/gf thing is excellent, he loves taking me out, going to my softball games, and hanging out together no matter what I am wearing, of coarse I enjoy the feminine mode best !

[Cheryl T]

There was a phrase I heard concerning we girls many years ago.

"Too much man for the straights, too much woman for the gays".

For many that seems to sum things up.

[jenni_xx]

I have an accepting husband, who I told about my cding the first time we met. It had a bigger, more active role early in our relationship, where intrigue/fascination (on both sides) played a part. Dan, my husband, is the first male partner that I told, and I was his first partner who is cd (at least, as far as he is aware). Over the last two years (we've been together since early 2010 and got married in 2011) however, it doesn't play as much part in our relationship. This though is more down to my own need/desire to crossdress changing somewhat during this time (I rarely dress fully as a woman, instead only partly dressing, and no longer attempt to hide my masculinity when I do dress). But I do feel incredibly fortunate to have an accepting partner, and I believe that his acceptance is down to how comfortable I am with it, as well as his own open-mindedness.

I would think that the percentage of gay men who are accepting of their partner's crossdressing is similar to the percentage of straight women who are accepting of their partner's crossdressing. For the same reason - gay men and straight women want a man for a partner. Because more cd's on this site identify themselves as straight and are in heterosexual relationships, then it is only natural that we'd hear more stories about the reactions they have had (both positive and negative) when telling their female partner. An important factor, in my opinion, in being accepted, irrespective of the gender of your partner, lies in us accepting ourselves, feeling confident, not feeling embarrassed, and being totally honest. In my case, telling Dan the first time we met, before we started dating, allowed him the opportunity to make a choice about whether to be with me before any emotional attachment had developed. In short, he knew what he was getting into, and it didn't faze him one bit. If anything, me being open and truthful right from the start, was something that he admired about me, and consequently was part of what he found attractive about me.