I agree with Jess and I've said it before effectively CDing is effectively a hobby, like any other hobby men do. But with often complex motivations and indeed implications for the women in their lives.

Of course if it was just like Golf and socially acceptable if not always understood. We wouldn't be having this debate. It isn't.

Part of the problem is people like me, whose reasons for crossdressing are more fundamental than something interesting to do at the weekend. Then there's others for whom crossdressing is a fetish and a sexual thrill. Neither is particularly palatable to the average spouse.

All too often the key to understanding and tolerance is knowledge and experience and crossdressing is not something the average person knows about or experiences. Neither do they want to and we shouldn't expect them too.

To those who suggest being upfront is the ONLY way to go. I disagree. No two people's lives are the same. There is no one size fits all solution. This is not a soap opera with a storyline and a resolution. This is life. My experience of family members who know about me is that they simply don't want to face it or discuss it. They haven't rejected me or changed their attitude to me in an overt way. They know about it but it's as if it never happened. It's 'Don't ask, don't tell' if you like.

As for my wife. I believe she has a similar attitude, she knows but doesn't want to know and frankly it doesn't change her view of me. But I can't be sure. I have to temper my desire to be accepted with her implied denial of it.'You're a man' she said to me the other day in relation to some issue and that's what she wants from me. She's right, she married a man and whatever my demons that's what she wants. A man who can do all the man things and yet be a stay at home homemaker and cook, clean and look after the children while she works. I don't think she's unreasonable even if I wish I could express my real self more.

But life isn't like that. It's all about compromises.