Suzy is staying in her closet

[DonnaT]

Next time, pick one of the guys out and say, "If you dressed up, I wouldn't think you were a weirdo. Who cares if you like sitting around the house in a house dress!? You'd still be the same guy to me."

[Shirley Anne]

My reply in these sort of situations whether it be about CFs,gaysor any other minority groupis ,it would be a boring life if we were all the same, besides I might look damn good in a dress.

[RADER]

Suzy:
I am with you on the closet thing; But I found it cramped, so about 10 years ago now,
I added to the House/closet with a large addition.
Now I have a much bigger closet to Rome around in.
Rader

[suzy1]

Yes RADER, the closet is so nice and cosy. I am a very happy bunny in my one and life is good.

[Rogina B]

Don't you feel that by not throwing out a "counter opinion" that you are sort of throwing"your lifestyle" under the bus? To say nothing counter[and speaking up doesn't have to "out" you. Like Lori,what if they were putting down race or religion,or some other form of bigotry? I just think you could have had something POSITIVE to interject and take the wind out of their sails...

[kimdl93]

I'm perfectly happy that you're perfectly happy in your cozy closet, Suzy. You don't feel the interest, desire or need to go out, so why bother. That's entirely ok. ...although I do recall that you recently went out to offer a cup of tea to an attractive gentleman working near your home... So the closet isn't hermetically sealed is it

And I know people - acquaintances I'd characterize them as - who might express attitudes like the fellows you described in the OP. I'm not sure why gay or TG people would come up in such group. Maybe its macho posturing, but recall a recent post where a brother who often made such disparaging remarks actually proved to be much more accepting when the abstract notion of TG turned out to be his own sibling.

I guess my point is that genderphobic comments of a group of guys doesn't make the world any less safe for those of us who do choose to go out. My guess is that none of these fellows really harbors any ill will or intent to harm...it was simply thoughtless bigotry.

[Jilmac]

I've been in your high heels Suzy but unlike you I have come out to numerous people. There are however, places and people I would never mention my dressing to. My previous jobs as carpenter and truck driver, and my present job in a hardware store are several of those places. I'm usually observant of my surroundings to know whom I can trust and those I can't. Those who I've come out to are very supportive and understanding.

[Jackie7]

Perhaps you could constructively shift the chat a degree or two without coming out or being at all confrontational: "yah well what about those folks who dress up for Revolutionary War enactments? Ever been to the Renaissance Faire? And have you seen those kids doing cosplay?" You might be surprised by what comes out, and how the chat might could shift toward acceptance of different strokes in costume games.

[suzy1]

Don't you feel that by not throwing out a "counter opinion" that you are sort of throwing"your lifestyle" under the bus? To say nothing counter[and speaking up doesn't have to "out" you. Like Lori,what if they were putting down race or religion,or some other form of bigotry? I just think you could have had something POSITIVE to interject and take the wind out of their sails...

Several reasons why I did not ‘throw out a counter opinion’ Rogina.

One, you start that and they start jumping to conclusions, “so you are a trany then?”

Two, I am not that good a person to worry too much about fighting for the cause, sorry.

Three, the next race was forming up on the start line and I had to get back on post.

Four, if it did get out that I am a crossdresser my life would effectively be over. No motorsport, no friends and my family never looking at me in the same way ever again.

You live in your world Rogina, I will live in my world!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Suzy, Pick your battles wisely.

[Rogina B]

.

Four, if it did get out that I am a crossdresser my life would effectively be over. No motorsport, no friends and my family never looking at me in the same way ever again.

You live in your world Rogina, I will live in my world!

Suzy,You are welcome to live in your world.However,some of us here think that it wouldn't have been wrong to nicely derail that conversation..without outting yourself..It can be done.. Anyway,I had a thought when I read your response...I hope you have a secret "disposal plan" in place if anything happens to you! I can picture a well attended church service for you when someone starts whispering around that "they found a trunk hidden away with no dust on it...so HE must have been one of THOSE.." As the word spreads,your friends get up and leave the service! Do you really think your secret life is THAT bad?

[Ressie]

Suzy needs a hug. I've been in similar situations and it can be such a shock that it's hard to know what to say. It's so unexpected - suddenly someone is commenting on a TG in a negative way. Anything said in their defense can open up a can of worms. I tried to enlighten someone in a group setting once but didn't want to get into a whole discussion that would reveal my expertise on transgender.

[Dianne S]

Maybe I travel in the wrong circles, but I've never heard anything negative about trans-people from my friends or colleagues. If I did, I'd probably speak up. I'm pretty well-known for being on the so-called "liberal" end of the spectrum when it comes to gay rights (which most people confuse with trans-rights), so I'm not worried anyone would suspect anything.

[Pumped]

I have had conversations simular to this come up at work, or around a bunch of guys at a pub. I take the high road and defend the crossdresser, or gay person, what ever the arguement may be. Of course the conversation gets turned against me, and I get accused of being a crossdresser or gay, but I just play it that I have no issue how another person lives their lives as long as it does not impact mine. The other guys in the conversation generally give me a hard time about it, but once they see that I really do not react the conversation moves on to something else.

A while back at work someone mentioned guys wearing "woman's" high heels and how weird it was. I said that I had not problem with someone wearing what ever they wanted to and one of the guys made a wise crack to me. "you would look good in a pair of high heeled heels". I agreed with him and said I prefer closed toe pumps with a 4 inch heels. Everyone just looked and me and said nothing and the conversation just stopped! I am pretty sure they were trying to figure out if I was joking or not!

[Erica Marie]

Suzy dont be afraid. Just choose the company you want to keep. You dont need to come out to everyone if it is too scary. I know i wont. Erica usually takes a small trip before she goes out.

[Lorileah]

Having been around professional motorsports and drivers (as well as other professional athletes), I really wonder if your life would be over. Seems that the job you do on the course should be what makes you in the sport, not the underwear you wear.

I have said it before, it matters not that you are part of a certain demographic, when that demographic is the butt of disparaging remarks and jokes, it doesn't take much to change the subject and say "you know, what you are saying is wrong, now let's talk about....".

And, no Dawn, you travel in the right circles. Degradation is the easiest form of humor. It takes the least amount of thinking. So when someone degrades another I see it as a sign of immaturity and lack of self confidence. As Rogina stated, you don't have to out yourself, you just have to stand up for what is right. If they ask "are you a crossdresser?" you can always do what you do now...just say "no". If they ask why you are defending us, just say that you don't think that being mean and derogatory to any lifestyle or group is very mature.

I used to be one of those who told jokes about ethnic groups or minorities. I do understand how when you are in a pack, you get the pack mentality. Sure, you want to belong. I was 18. Now I have moved beyond that. People in my circle have moved beyond that. We still laugh and joke, we just don't do it at others' expense. Our own expense perhaps, but not those who are not there to defend themselves.

[ReineD]

After about five minutes of jokes about the ‘weirdoes that dress like a woman’ the conversation moved on.

Of course it's entirely your choice as to whether to dress in public or not, but I just want to say that people like those men would not say anything to a TG's face if they encountered one. They would keep their opinions to themselves, even if they related the encounter to their friends afterwards.

I don't know if this makes any difference to you or not.

Edit - I agree though, that you don't have to out yourself to call them out on their prejudicial statements.

[JenniferR771]

You could say, "My cousin is a crossdresser. He is very macho as a guy, but its amazing! When he wears a dress and gets all done up--nine out of ten guys don't spot him at all!"

[Madilyn A.]

There have been several good points raised in this thread. Personally I think the correct response is what feels right at the time considering the audience. I have both commented with words like "each to their own", and also remained quiet to this and similar topics......BTW, feels nice to be back here.....Madilyn

[Jeannie]

Hi Suzy, I am going to be one that totally agrees with you. The only time I went out away from the my house was on a dress and drive about a year and a half ago. My wonderful wife went with me and I was scared to death the whole time. I live in the deep south along the Gulf of Mexico and crossdressers are not tolerated well at all here. Going out in public dressed may be placing your life in danger so I like you am perfectly fine with my closet and home. I can dress anytime I want there is no one here but me and my wife who is just fine with Jeannie. I would dearly love to go SC conference but Atlanta is just to close to home and I have run into people I know almost every time I go somewhere (in drab). I don't take humiliation well at all and once word spreads, and it usually does and I don't care anyone says, the humiliation will not stop. Sometimes it is not as easy as some people think it is and in "my opinion" for people to tell you that it's ok just go do it do not fully understand the the total situation. I am doing this the way I want to do it and my suggestion (although not called for) is to do they way you want to do it. Hugs from Jeannie!!!

[bobbimo]

Hi Suzy!
I think the next time your up for being a race Marshal, you should where that sexy outfit you wore for the Vicar. :-). I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that one!
Bobbi

[Tracii G]

Suzy do what you feel is best I will respect that.
Personally I would put those guys lower on my friends list after this.

I'm not one to stand by and watch when people are being degraded for who they are and always speak up but thats just me.

[BillieJoEllen]

About ten days ago I got involved in a similar conversation. The people talking sure were biased toward CD/TS people. I would never bring up my being one with anyone in that group. They were all totally against ladies like us. That's why I appreciate each and everyone of you on this site.

[cindybabe]

I must have too agree with you Suzy,

[Jaymees22]

Suzy, I'm sure I would have done the same thing, at least you can come here and get some comfort in knowing your not alone. Hugs Jaymee