We did. I didn't know at the time, 20 years ago, that I'd transition. I hadn't even CDed in 4 years - I was sure I never would again. I mean, I didn't WANT to do that. I didn't understand how powerless I truly was over my gender identity. I didn't understand powerlessness at all really. I do now - and I sit here typing this humbled and humiliated. Had I known, perhaps I'd have come out when I gained sobriety 24 years ago. My life would've been unrecognizably different. In 1989, the information available was so limited, and Texas was even more hostile than it is now. I don't regret my marriage, neither does my wife - she just wants it back, but with him, not me. I can understand this and respect it, but it makes me sad, given the impossibility of it.Originally Posted by Amanda M
I do have a good attorney. I'll follow his advice, of course. I need to insure that I preserve enough resources for transition. If I fail that, I die, simple as that. My wife doesn't acknowledge this as a reality, despite my prior suicide attempt while I lived with her. I reached the point of "Transition, or Die." I have no choice but to follow this path. I don't know that I'll survive it even if I complete transition - far too many of us do not. It's just the only plan anyone's offered me that seems to have any hope of addressing my plight. It's a terrible plan though!
Seriously - why couldn't I have gotten cancer, instead of being trans?
edit: One question for Kitty, or really any other person who'd care to comment. Does anyone here really think that I knowingly, deliberately, and willfully deceived my wife for 20 years, and simply dropped the deception for selfish reasons? That's a fairly incredible assertion! Why on earth do you speculate I'd do that - what possible motive could I have for it?
