Hello all,
As you know I have recently been stepping out into the world. Small baby steps and being mindful that while I want to have some exposure I am also being discreet for my family and their needs. Everyone does not need to know.
My wife has known of my dressing for about 3 years. I hid it from her for many years with all of the close calls and suspicious activity that many of you may be familiar with. She often thought I was having an affair. Now she knows that I have been outside and let the sun shine on my face and the breeze blow up my dress and she could not be more unhappy.
I explained what I had done and I accepted full responsibility for my actions. I told her that there has indeed been another woman. That woman is Katie and she is me. I finally saw the "punched in the gut look" on her face that some others have described as they came out. I also told her I had sought the help of a transgender familiar therapist. I came out to her previously as I thought it would releive the stress and anxiety of being in the closet and it did. But just prancing around the house in my pretty clothes was not what I needed. I need the social contact and quite honestly I need the sun on me - Katie does not like to be trapped in the dark. Too many years in the closet. I thought my wife had been tolerant of my dressing but after our very loud discussion of this it became apparent to me that she had always found it disgusting and perverted.
Two days later I got several text messages telling me that I was a homosexual, faggot, queer, sissy, etc. etc. I counted the messages and there were 39 - one right after the other. She had also texted that she was certain I was paying my therapist for sex - why else would I have chosen a female. For the record: I feel more comfortable with females than males, she actually returned my call, and she is on our insurance plan.
We don't speak now except for needed communiucation about daily activities and we "play nice" as she described it. The children don't know of Katie and they don't know about this rift.
I am taking it slow and trying to re-enage her ina dialogue but she has rebuffed me so far. I'll keep at it because I really do care for her.
Strangely, I am upset at the damage I have done by not just telling her who I was before we married but I also feel a sense of calm freedom. Katie is out and she will not go back into the closet. I am not strong enough to keep her down anymore - I sat on her for not less than 25 to 30 years. Katie makes me whole and that is good for all of us because the crabby, disgruntled daddy is much calmer when Katie is allowed to come out and play sometimes.
My wife seems to think that this was just a hobby or a sex thing. She has not accepted the idea that Katie and I are one in the same and her man is still here as well.
Sorry to ramble but I feel better when I let this stuff out plus I know that some of you are very smart and may have some good advice that I can use.
Take care.