She said no way was her son going to put on an Elsa dress

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Bimini (and all the other lovely trans folk here that I enjoy chatting to), I said what I did because I'm telling you the 'mom' side - the one I'm currently living. Believe me, it's war out here! Even the most open-minded, liberal, accept-everyone mother will start doubting herself and turning herself into a Stepford Wife to protect her young child. We can't stand the idea of our precious babies having a difficult life and we blame ourselves endlessly, for everything. So yes, Reine likely would have been afraid, as would I, even though I know so much more than most.

What I do know is these feelings are mostly reserved for very young children like Bimini's friend's 3 year old, and even though this mother is making snipes in public about boys and dresses, my guess is she loves her son as much as any mother and would protect his right to wear one should he really need to and when he's old enough to understand the ramifications. Until this point, it is SHE who will be blamed if her son wears a dress. Did she want a girl? Is she too clingy? Did she breastfeed him too long, or worse, not breastfeed at all?

I'm not kidding. These are the comments we live with, day in, day out, and everyday, many mothers of young children go about their day feeling judged. Thankfully, our babies will get older and more independent, and for most mothers, they're finally able to let them go and be who they will be. Until then, we live like a friend of mine who's raising a 4 year old boy who's been saying he's a girl since he can talk. Publicly, to avoid the abuse she has received from preschools and the like, her son now wears pink boys shirts and shorts and is her little boy. At home, he's her princess who can wear what she likes. Publicly, this mother would likely tell a group of friends that she'd draw a line at him wearing a dress. But one day soon, she will let him do just that because she'll know for sure that this is his choice, and not hers. She will be able to face judgment and know she's doing the right thing - something few mothers can say with confidence when their children are so young. Bimini's friend may be transphobic, or she may just be the frazzled, socially-judged mother of a 3 year old.

Bimini, I hope you give her the benefit of the doubt and have a private chat with her so she doesn't need to put on a show for the other mothers. For all you know, she might be desperately confused and scared and in need of your understanding and support. x