Has this Forum Changed you?

[ReineD]

I have noticed in this last year, that this environment, thought supportive, often scares me.

I have met CDers insistent that its "just clothes" who are TS now, in only a year. This frightens me for Luca and I's future.

Hi Kae,

If it means anything, I was also frightened the first few years I was a member here. My SO was in the middle of expanding all aspects of the CDing, and so in true human (or maybe Reine) form, my focus zoomed into the handful of members who hung out in the CD section telling everyone they hadn't realized until just a few years ago that they were TS. I glommed onto those posts, to the point where it seemed as if this might be the fate of just about every CDer here! When there were threads about who wanted to be with a guy, I'd tally them up to see if it was more than 50%. At one point there was a thread asking members if they would rather have breasts or a vagina. It ran for the longest time, it got hundreds of responses, and just about everyone said they wanted one or the other, or both! (Well, duh ... everyone was playing along with the OP's fantasy premise).

So yeah, I convinced myself there was a likelihood that my SO, if he wasn't already on his way to transition, was in denial about eventually wanting to transition.

My poor SO felt so bad about this, he told me he went into the GM forum to ask people how he could convince me that he DIDN'T want to transition! He then told me that he wished people would post all their fantasy posts in the GM section so as to not scare all the GGs! lol

But the reality is, there only are a few people out of the thousands of members who do log into this forum, who say they are now TS and they want to transition (when they previously thought they were CDers). The VAST majority of participants in this forum will not transition. Some of them may like to fantasize about having breasts or fantasize about certain male body parts, but that's as far as it will ever get. And of course every time a CDer expresses such a fantasy, the transitioners who wish to be supportive are right there saying, "Me too, me too!", which adds to a GG's feelings of insecurity if she is worried about her own SO.

But ... other than the few late-onset TSs who did repress themselves all their lives and who now have no choice but to transition, I have seen many members (including my SO), go full circle with the CDing. This even happened to a close friend's husband. They go through a period of pink fog where it's all about everything girly and going out, sometimes to the point of distraction, but then if they are given the freedom to develop this fully, they realize that they do not want to transition. They weigh their options, they discover what it would take, exactly, to live a stealth life (a lot ... including $20-40k electrolysis and facial feminization surgery, plus perhaps breast implants and this does not include SRS), they consider the potential loss of jobs and relationships, the loss of male sexual functioning (HRT), and they decide it is not worth it to them. It is not worth it for the vast majority of members here, even though they may go through a period of wishing that it might be. If, however, they are NOT given the opportunity to explore the CDing fully (a wife who puts her foot down, or if they feel that fully expressing the CDing will cause issues in their relationships), then they do risk fantasizing about the "what if" to the point where the fantasy may well become problematic. They really do need to go out there for themselves and taste the world presenting as a woman ... while, truth be told for most CDers, not being stealth.

So don't worry. If your SO tells you that he is not TS, believe him. He grew up in an internet age, there is and has been tons of information out there, he knows the score. He didn't have to repress himself for 20-40 years like some of the members here.

Sorry for such a long post, and sorry if my words have offended anyone.

My SO identifies as dualgender. He knows he is not a guy like most guys, but she knows she is not a woman either. He has made peace with this and s/he makes the best of both worlds by fluctuating his/her presentation. S/he is quietly living her life and is not insistent that the world recognize and support the notion that many people do not fit within the gender binary. My SO knows that we are not there yet (at least not in our neck of the woods among people of our generation), and s/he is OK with this. She just expresses herself in public whenever she needs to, albeit in the next town over.