I asked my therapist about cross-dressing and autoeroticism. She is an expert on both gender and human sexuality. She told me a few things that are shocking.
1. Cross-dressers are female identified, with gender dysphoria that is less progressed than a transsexual, and that CDers don't hate their maleness or even enjoy being male, but they are female, while a transsexual typically cannot endure much more time playing male, because the GD has progressed so far.
2. What you do in private is who you really are. If you CD in private, than you are really female identified. If you fantasize about being a woman when masturbating, then you are really female identified.
3. Most CDers don't transition because the GD hasn't progressed far enough to warrant it. They love their wives, love having sex with their wives, don't hate their penises or beards, and feel they have too much to lose trying to transition, and yes it's true that you have a lot to lose. Many CDers who stay in the closet and don't venture out the house en femme for the same reasons, fearing too much to lose plus transphobia.
4. A CDer is essentially female identified with a partial male persona, rather than male identified with a partial female persona.
