" In my early childhood I was trying to gain contact with my mother" .. well in my case I can certainly relate to that, my mother and father separated when I was about three years old, and, unusually, my mother relinquished custody of me to my father after a few weeks or months, as a result I was raised first by my paternal grandmother and then, from age six, by a hostile stepmother ( "hostile" by her own recent admission). My first crossdressing experience occurred when I tried on some very feminine knickers from my grandmother's drawer at about three, when granny caught me I told her that I was "playing babies". I did read a theory once that cross-dressing in males is rooted in early separation from one's mother, and there may well be something in this in your case (emotional), and mine (physical) ? It's not true in all cases though, as anyone who has read through the many threads on the topic here will know, and I certainly can't say that my very secret and suppressed childhood feelings that I SHOULD have been born a girl all stem from this ..
.. just like you, at puberty it became a very sexual thing, and now mainly comfort, relaxation and happiness .. and a bit of fun
