Feeling upset

[Cheryl T]

I bought a wedding set on Ebay about 9 years ago.
When my wife (fully knowledgeable and understanding) asked me why I wanted them I told her that when I dress and we go out I wanted something feminine in a wedding ring and I wanted everyone to see it and know that I was married.
Funny thing happened at the mall. A jewelry store was having an appraiser there that day. My wife hadn't had her ring appraised in years and I suggested she have hers done for the insurance. When he finished hers he looked at me and asked me if I wished to have mine done. I politely declined of course, not wanting him to see they were CZ and not diamonds, but he did make my day by asking.
My wife got a good smile out of it also. Then she told me that she now understood why I wanted the set.

[Farrah]

I agree with Devida. I'm sorry you're feeling down, though..

[PaulaQ]

@Polly - I can appreciate your misgivings about removing your wedding ring. We invest a lot of emotion in these symbolic bonds of our matrimony. The ring you wear is very powerful symbolically. I can speak to feeling upset when removing it - when my wife told me I didn't deserve to wear mine anymore last year, it really, really hurt me, just removing the simple band from a marriage that I knew was most likely doomed. I can see how it would feel like cheating - it's a symbol of your marriage to her. Not just any ring - THAT RING.

That said, what you are doing really is pretty harmless, and I hope you can feel better. A man's ring does look out of place when you are en femme.

[Kate T]

I only take my wedding ring off for surgery. I almost invariably put it straight back on as soon as I am finished doing surgery (and cleaning up ), it just feels odd not to. Occasionally I will give my wedding ring to my wife to mind while I am doing surgery and she might not be at work when I finish. If that happens my staff tell me I have a tendency to be constantly feeling at my ring finger where the ring normally is even though I don't realise it.

It's become a psychological as well as a physical "normal" part of who I am. I don't know if I would want to change that.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Polly, I understand your sentiment. My solution is to wear femme wedding and engagement rings on my left ring finger and switch my genuine wedding band to my right hand. Thankfully they all fit fine. I feel lost without any of them when dressed.

It is important to enjoy your dressing. If you can't overcome your feelings then stay with your wedding band only.

[abby054]

I have a costume engagement ring for when I'm dressed which is worn with my wedding ring.

If I ever lose my wedding ring, there will be trouble. I understand the symbolism that this means to my wife, if no one else. I wear a matching engagement ring when dressed as others have recommended.

I have worn my wedding ring continuously for 37 years and one day. I have a deep pasty white groove worn into my finger, securing my ring with a perfectly ridged callus. It looks like I am wearing the ring even when I am not wearing it. I wear it in my high voltage lab. Even wore it in combat zones when in the army. When I recently went into a country known for terrorism, my wife confiscated my military ID and would not let me bring it with me, but she insisted that I wear my wedding ring.

My Dad, a farmer for many years, fed his wedding ring to a cow accidentally. There was big trouble when my Mom found out. She did not let that rest for decades. Get the matching engagement ring. You will be glad you did.
--Abby

[Polly Sharp]

Wow, what a response, and so varied in the answers too. I will not beat myself up over this, and I don't feel bad after reading some of the replies. I appreciate that everyone has their viewpoint and respect that.

Over the years I've not given much thought to the wedding ring when out and about as Polly, as I used to. It's not particularly masculine, in fact we have identical rings so it could well pass in either mode. I've worn other items of jewellery and bought the new rings on a whim, because I liked how they looked and wanted to see how they looked on me. It was taking the wedding ring off to try them on that upset me, and I still can't explain it properly.

Yes, I have an immense bond with my wife, she knows about Polly and has even been out with me in that mode. Sadly, due to illness, I don't get out much so it's not an issue of passing any more. This is just for me, in the house. It may only be for a couple of hours and then the proper ring would go back on. Very rare I get the chance to stay dressed much longer. I've tried the engagement ring with the wedding band, they simply do not fit together. I have an indentation where the ring goes, if I leave it there the engagement ring is too tight. Same in reverse.

I should have a talk with her and get her opinion, and I will tell her how upset I got. I've no doubt she'll just brush it off, she knows how we are together and I had no intention of ending the marriage or anything. I can understand where a lot of you are coming from and it is a deep rooted thing with some. I saw a nice looking ring and bought it, I have it on now, seeing if it still upsets me. No, it does not. I know my wife and she knows me, we'll talk about this and sort it out.

But, interesting topic and some really strong feelings being shown, in both directions. Your comments have helped me come to terms with this and I'll let you know what my wife says.

[ReineD]

It's not particularly masculine, in fact we have identical rings so it could well pass in either mode.

Good for you!