How much does your SO accept you?

[Isabella Ross]

Complete and unreserved support from my wife. I know, however, that I have to keep the balance...she loves and accepts me as a woman, but also adores me as a man...

We are the lucky ones. I'm always aware that others are far less unfortunate...please don't think for a second I'm gloating; I'm always sad for those with SOs that do not condone.

Having said that, I wonder how many closeted girls would find to their surprise that they would be accepted, if they could get over their fears of coming out to their wives.

[Mia27]

My SO accepts me completely i am pretty lucky She lets me dress in front of her whenever i'd like. But i keep it limited of course im not sure she would like to join me on going out in public but she has helped me come out to many of my friends and family she lends me clothes and advice and even makeup! on a scale 1 to 10. she supports me at a 9

[Kris Avery]

I won the wife lottery. I broke a date to my senior prom in order to be able to go with her. This year we celebrated our 30th anniversary. Last year when I came to understand these needs in me she not only accepted it but has pushed me to stretch my comfort level. While at the same time making sure I understood that I shouldn't do anything that makes me too uneasy.

When all this started it was fine "but I don't want to give up time with my man". Well her man is gone replaced with this man woman hybrid thing I've come to realize I am. As we discuss our situation she continues to support, encourage, and push me. We have discussed the question "what if we found a cure" and she is most adamant that she would be very sad to see this part of our lives fade. She gets antsy and irritable days before I do if it goes too long between appearances of Rita.

Hug
Rita

I also have won the wife lottery and I'm not just saying that in passing.

While she does NOT ever push me to stretch my comfort level (that would be interesting) - she is the most supportive SO I can ever imagine.
We have only been married for 7 years but it feels like forever (and in a good way).

I love your "man woman hybrid thing" comment. I like to say I'm 'deliciously different' but perhaps we are talking about the same kind of thing.

My SO actually likes to see Wendy most of the time, and about 30% of the time she actually gets turned on in the most profound way.
There is only about 20% of the time where she asks Wendy to get naked and often then the adhesive forms can stay.

Change anything and accept a 'cure'. We both say "no way". This is the absolute peak of the acceptance curve if you ask me.

[Windsong]

Yes many of us tend to forget that we are individuals. There are some sports programs on Television that I do not watch nor am I interested in them in any way shape or form....it is as if I am being pressured into accepting my partners CD-ing ... and believe me the pressure is always there and GETTING STRONGER EVERY DAY an its so uncomfortable. I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF HAVING A 'SISTER' AS A PART OF MY RELATIONSHIP....'A MENAGE A TROI' I am being dragged into this even though I do state that I do not want this to expand further than the DADT. I heartily agree with having some separate interests....being joined at the hip all the time and doing 'everything' together is not healthy. Other than this rant my relationship is wonderful. Part of me wants to get over this initial hump and move forward with our relationship stronger and part of me is kicking and silently screaming "I don't want this". Who knows what is to become of us?? Had to get this rant out as it has been building for some time....thanks for your understanding...reading your posts is helping me to understand and inform me better....many thanks

[Athena_]

Do you mind if I ask why? My H was the same for many years, always hoping and pushing for me to join in this part of his life. Thing is, it's really not my thing AT ALL, and I actually liken it now to being forced to watch a sport I can't stand. Every day. Over and over again. I feel totally within my rights to tell my H that I don't want to watch said sport, so why is crossdressing any different?

I think many here forget that we're all individuals, wives included, and what is fun and interesting and important to you may not be for someone else. Women's clothing is actually pretty dull for many of us women, as you can imagine. Sometimes it's just healthier for spouses to have separate interests so why not just accept the acceptance she's offered and let it go??

Tink,

I am grateful for all of your insights. You raise a fair point. The sport comparison is crystal clear.

I guess my response would be that this is not something that I think I can change about myself. I deeply care about my wife and I guess I just want to share this very personal part of me. Her opinion and respect is something that I treasure. I am aware that she never signed up for my "curious habit", but I am hoping for some sort of experimentation or compromise. If DADT is all she can handle, I respect that. I can just wish for more.

[Kris Avery]

Yes many of us tend to forget that we are individuals. There are some sports programs on Television that I do not watch nor am I interested in them in any way shape or form....it is as if I am being pressured into accepting my partners CD-ing ... and believe me the pressure is always there and GETTING STRONGER EVERY DAY an its so uncomfortable. I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF HAVING A 'SISTER' AS A PART OF MY RELATIONSHIP....'A MENAGE A TROI' I am being dragged into this even though I do state that I do not want this to expand further than the DADT. I heartily agree with having some separate interests....being joined at the hip all the time and doing 'everything' together is not healthy. Other than this rant my relationship is wonderful. Part of me wants to get over this initial hump and move forward with our relationship stronger and part of me is kicking and silently screaming "I don't want this". Who knows what is to become of us?? Had to get this rant out as it has been building for some time....thanks for your understanding...reading your posts is helping me to understand and inform me better....many thanks

Windsong:
You have my complete sympathy.

I would not dare to recommend what to do in your particular case.
I will only speak in general terms of how I have worked as a CD with my SO.

I do not sit in judgment - I'm only here offering a "time out" and recommend reflection on these items.

I can tell you these items below are based on a marriage that did not work (where these items were NOT applied) and one that does work (where these items WERE applied)

There are key elements necessary for a positive, successful, and happy long-term union of two people (CD being in the picture or not - it does not matter).

-- Show respect for the other individual's needs and wishes
-- Vocalize and address boundary issues
-- Compromise - always be willing to give more than you take -- with everything
-- Do NOT put yourself first - ever (see above)
-- Be willing to accept that things are going to change over time
-- Be able/willing to adapt to these changes
-- Talk every day about your problems
-- Set mutual goals and measure your progress

In the end it's a value proposition where both people must feel blessed and that they are lucky to have each other.
If you 'make this happen' - the rest falls into place. Both must do this for it to work.

Final thought:
A wise man once told this girl "you learn little when your mouth is moving".
I have taken this to heart ever since - and I *really* hate to admit it, but it works.

Best of wishes and good luck.

[im-sparkles]

My so is cool with it. She doesn't understand it but she's fine with it. We talk about it and share our feelings . However when she wants her man she wants her man! Which is fine with me. Its works well with us. We shop together all the time ,talk about cloths ,makeup,shoes. Just like girlfriends but i give her my man side when she needs it.

[Di]

I am the S O and would say I am totally accepting
Sherlyn is free to be....We go out....we just live our life We have no boundys ....we have no need for any .
BASICALLY it is just part of our life together.....just us being us.

[terrianncd]

I'm one of the lucky one's who has a completely supportive wife/partner. She understands that she loves and lives with a female trapped in the wrong body. I did not hide this from her from day one when we were first dating. We shop for each other, have fun, respect each others talents..ect. In fact, she is somewhat male in the things she likes to do, for example, Patty has her own tractor with a backhoe, is a better builder than I am, likes getting dirty while wearing old ripped up tshirts..you get to idea. We, together make a great team and do not worry so much about classic gender roles in our house. We are just who we are and if I want to work all day wearing a 50's dress and petticoat while she builds a pond in the yard, that's just us living our life. Oh, and our neighbors just love us. In fact they will come over for the fashion show that I have been known to put on....lol I wish more of us could just be happy, afterall it's just clothes.

[shelly1]

my wife is okay with it as long as I stay in the house and do not let anybody else know that I dress

[Coping2014]

I have read through all the threads and wonder what my husband thinks of my support? I like to think I'm trying on the outside it looks like I support it (I have helped him buy things and have said he can do what he needs as far a dressing but limits are no kids (his limit) and not in the bedroom(my limit) but inside I'm still completely confused and just don't get it! I wished I could understand the need of this. I am not sure how I feel about him wanting to go out in public - that scares the HECK out of me and I would NEVER want him to do it ANYWHERE around where we live (we'd need to travel 5 plus hours to be sure - we live rural and even the next towns over we all know one another and the larger ones everyone travels to when they want to get away, you always see people we know there)

In a few of the posts I hear my wife loves her new girlfriend? I know I don't want that - I can't look at him(not litteraly but figuratively) with a different persona. I married a man and I want to spend time with him and I don't mind the new him - I do like some of the changes in him - like us being able to talk about anything, him being more emotional and touchy feely with me, and I love that he trusts me with something so personal. We were talking the other day - there was a time when we BOTH said out loud that we had wished "he had never said anything to me" but now we both agree that we are in a much better place now and we both feel we love eachother more because of having to work through this so (even though I struggle with the clothing aspect) I do love him more - I just don't want that male (bit of a Neanderthol) to go away all together because if we are being complete honest - he turns me on! Sorry TMI!?!

Coping2014

[Vanessa5]

Although my wife seems to be more tolerant right now she is prone to throwing it in my face and insulting me.

[Ginger Jameson]

My wife accepts everything about me, whether it involves dressing or anything else. I'm a lucky SOB. :D

[Tinkerbell-GG]

- I just don't want that male (bit of a Neanderthol) to go away all together because if we are being complete honest - he turns me on! Sorry TMI!?!

I feel the same - I don't really understand those who say their wives have a sister and a husband and they love it. I have an actual sister and don't need another...what I don't have spare is another husband! And I'm sure not attracted to my sister either...my real one, OR my H's version!

I admire those here who can just live the life they desire with their equally content spouse. I also assume this was part of the attraction for each other? For me, my H attracted me as a MAN and this crossdressing side wasn't part of my decision. When I found out the two go together it was a disappointing moment, for sure, but like you I also felt special that he shared this with me. Doesn't help the basic reality that this isn't what I wanted in a partner, but we work around it.

Still...on the flip side of all these comments here, I too wonder what it must be like to be in a marriage with a man who doesn't crossdress and who accepts fully that I'm a heterosexual woman who has no need for extra femininity in my life, who actively appreciates the masculine balance a husband gives me. My H can't understand my problems with his dressing - he respects them but he doesn't really get my side of things any more than I get his.

I can only imagine what it's like to be completely in sync with your spouse. All I can suggest is the future generations of crossdressers and the like put their cards on the table very early in the relationship so they too can have the sort of relationship many of us crave.

[Amanda1128]

Mine doesn't know. But am pretty sure she wouldn't click the like button.