'Interests' changing

[Judith96a]

Please note that I am speaking as a CDer about crossdressing ONLY - ie no transition - that's a whole other kettle of fish!

I'm kind of raging at the partners (those who promised 'in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer') who have an issue with your identity...If you still adhere to the values and priorities you did while 'en-boots' as 'en-heels', WTF does it matter?

Adhering to the same values etc isn't the issue. The REAL issue is that most people seem to have little understanding of marriage vows (evidence = divorce statistics).
When you promised 'in sickness and in health' etc (and she did likewise) the ONLY condition attached was "so long as you both shall live"! End of!

Whether you decide to wear a dress 2.5 days a week or nothing at all or whatever is actually irrelevant as is any change of behaviour on her part. Coming from a CDer that may sound self-serving. However, the fact that it potentially works in my favour doesn't change the reality! The reason that divorce statistics are sky high is that couples don't get it - neither when they are getting married nor when the marriage encounters difficulties.

We have an odd culture when it comes to marriage. We agree when we get married that this is for life. Isn't that at the root of what marriage means? If not, then when is the difference between marriage and dating? I digress. "In sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse." Unless I decide that you have changed and I don't like who the new you is. Then it is acceptable for me to divorce you. Trust me, I myself have contemplated that avenue many a time, and these issues, thoughts, concerns, are ones that I struggle with all of the time. What did I mean when I said I do? I do, for now? I do, until you really upset me? I do, until you age, and grow, and are no longer the same person that I said I do to?

To answer your questions directly Moose, I don't think that even if our interests do change because of dressing that that singularity really justifies divorce. There is no bait and switch in marriage, or really it is all a bait and switch. None of us ever remains exactly the same.

Agreed, see above!

I really dislike the analysis I read on this forum that a woman should just adjust to her husband wearing a dress, heels, hosiery, makeup, wig, etc. Many men, whether they are cross dressers or not, feel their wives should be totally subservient to their whims and desires. The rooster rules the hen house.

Nope, the rooster doesn't rule the hen house (no matter what he does or does not do / wear). However you made vows! If you didn't understand them or didn't mean them then you shouldn't have made 'em.

Frankly, if my wife transgressed some social norms that really crossed my moral boundaries, I'd "kick her out."

But that isn't what either of you signed up for!

How does that help? Read the threads - most women, even the ones who accepted this ultimately, would've bailed if they'd known at first. It's not their fault, they have no way to know they COULD accept this.

So, let's say that 5 years in she has a medical condition that necessitates brain surgery, it goes wrong and she ends up with a brain injury which changes her personality (this isn't theory, happened to a colleague) or you're involved in a wreck, lose a limb maybe more. Not her fault, not your fault. Neither of you have any way of knowing whether you can accept what has happened to the other. Does that justify abandoning them?

Not many choose to be CDers.

And, by the way, I'm not raging with anyone. I'm certainly not raging with, or otherwise critical of, any wife who has difficulty dealing with her husband's crossdressing. It's 'out there'. It's weird. It's troubling. I get that. If she'd known up front - who knows? What does sadden me is when bailing out is adopted as the method of resolving such difficulties.

Please remember, I'm talking about crossdressing not transition.