I was a DVDer now Blurayer lol.
Conflicted is a good word, I never had any interest in frilly stuff or lingerie etc etc it was always about trying to achieve a look, I now understand that I was trying to find the person inside my head. There was always frustration though, I couldn't grasp why I did it and what I wanted, it just left me feeling worse.
I stopped for ten years, but the identity issues never went away, just wish I recognised what the problem was back then.
That second statement about meeting CDers etc has so much resonance with me it's like i'm wrote it.