Self loathing

[natcrys]

...

This all feels so hopeless and depressing and my point isn't to try and drag everyone down, because it definitely is not. My point, I guess, is to counter weight all the pink fog 'my feminine side is a blessing' hocus pocus. The My truth is that this sucks for me and it's hard for me and I hate it and I would carve it right out of me if I could.

...

There, FTFY.

I'm really sorry you feel this way.. but I sense something in your writing that makes you sound less resolute.

You write that you go to meetings and that you are in therapy. However, it also seems you have closed yourself off completely for anything to change. If that is the case.. then all the supporting meetings and therapy won't have any effect on you.

You have a supportive spouse.. consider yourself blessed and start working on opening yourself up... even it if it's just a smidgen. You're not alone in this, you don't have to be.

Do we get to decide with which genes and body we start our life? No.. this is the hand we're dealt with.. and given the circumstances... ANY hand can win the game!