(bold emphasis is mine)Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses
I think the femme side IS a real side. But it is how you describe it, "a side": a facet, a part of. This is what being a CD is all about, non-conforming gender.
I've noticed among some (many?) CDers there is a struggle to see which is "the" gender identity, male or female. I think the struggle exists because we really only see either males or females around us all the time, and "male" and "female" are binary states (either/or, on/off). If a CDer experiences both sides, then it makes sense there should be conflict, because I think most of us do expect to conform to the world that we know and see around us (either male OR female).
Transsexuals and cispersons (a cisperson is someone who is comfortable with their birth sex) don't have two sides, they are binary (either male or female). And so there is no struggle to figure out which "side" is real. I need to add that some TSs do struggle with the fear of potential loss when contemplating switching their lives around, but this is not the same struggle as trying to figure out who they are. They know who they are, there are no "sides".
It seems to me as if it might be helpful for a CDer to accept that the desire to be feminine is a part of who he is and to happily live with both "sides", in other words, redefine his definition of himself as a crossdresser (or any other word you might prefer) instead of a man like the men who do not crossdress?
