If you are a crossdresser than both the male and female sides are part of who you are, and both need to be expressed. Both sides are your real side.
Actually, many transsexuals will bury and repress their true nature so deeply that they might struggle to figure out their identity. It wasn't until 2014 that I knew for sure that I identify as female. Prior to this year I wasn't sure, although I always felt like I was a girl on the inside, I wasn't sure my true identity (male, female, neither, both, something else) until this year. At my TG support group we discussed this issue too many times. In my case my femme side is my real side.