Thanks everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses to my post. It all helps, and it's good to know that there are so many others like me out there going through (or having gone through) a similar journey. Lord knows none of this ever asked for this, but we are all trying to figure it out in our own way. I'm thankful for this community that helps one another.
Thanks to those too who were kind enough to tell me that they think I blended well. I am sure I am being overly critical of myself. And the comments folks made about who will notice me (or likely NOT notice me), camera angles, etc, really helped. For those who posted about not caring what others think about me... I truly don't. I just don't see the point of going out if it's not to try and pass/blend most of the time. That's just me. It's the part of me that wants to be recognized as a woman, and (currently) requires external validation for that.
In the end I need to take some time and let all of this marinate. I definitely already feel the urge to go out again. Perhaps just even fooling some of the people some of the time is enough for me. I don't know.
I also need to discuss this more with my wife before I take it any further. Going out one time without her knowing I can comfortably pass off to myself as "I just had to do it once". But more than that feels too dishonest for me. She's mostly afraid someone will target me, and knowing I was out would make her too anxious.
Thanks again everyone.
Love,
Camille
