So Jennifer...

Imagine how high the % must be for that wife in a long and loving relationship!
What you're saying is: If you want a higher percentage probability in a successful reveal, don't tell at the outset, but keep it buried, build a relationship, do lot's of other things (kids, career, life, etc.) and THEN reveal a couple of decades later...?

All you have to do is manage the internal stress if you can... or you may find you never need to reveal it. If for some reason the urge is too much, it may not be better, but it will give you a higher probability of maintaining a relationship if your SO already has time and (some) trust invested... even higher if there are kids involved or not...? I can only imagine that some SOs would never overcome the trust issue if (as most of us here believe to some degree) they thought that this thing we claim to be innate was genetic and possibly hereditary... How would anyone feel if their partner passed on a lifelong genetic condition to one's offspring... or perhaps it leaps a generation or two...

Actually - I think that's probably the only rational thought that trumps all other positions for me: IF this was hereditary, how many fathers here would want their sons or daughters to carry this gene, if you knew for sure...

I think there might be a whole subject thread in that thought...

Katey x