We do build up stories in our minds (most of us), especially in the beginning. This comes from our intuitive feelings of what the CDing is all about, nothing particularly conscious. We have not been exposed to the CDing, we do not live in your skins plus we are not male, and so we have no frame of reference for what you feel. For example, it is difficult for most of us to understand why a man would want to be pretty using the things that women use to attract men, if not to attract other men. So, many GGs feel as if they are not the main entrée on the menu, that they are instead more of a side dish and this is a turn-off.

From a personal perspective, it took me many years to disassociate the CDing from my SO's sexuality, despite being a member on this forum, despite having my SO tell me that he wasn't into men. Reading posts from members in the CD (not TS) section who give the impression they would want to be women all the time complicated matters. I was under the impression that my SO's head space was in the TG zone all the time even when he wasn't dressed (wanting to be a pretty girl). It just took a long time for me to see this wasn't true and frankly I think that only time is the solution here, combined with frequent talks about what this means to you sexually and what your wife means to you as well. This is a difficult conversation for most long-term couples to have especially if they are afraid to upset the status-quo … you know, like not facing the white elephant in the room.

If the CDing is or was linked to your sexuality (you'll need to be honest with yourself), I think it will be difficult for your wife to get past this. She will perceive a difference within you, based on whether you have been dressing or not, or thinking about it or not, and again she will feel as if it is the CDing that really excites you and not her. I suspect this is why so many wives don't want to see it. They don't want to face the fact that they may be just a side dish.

So please do keep the lines of communication open.