If I understand correctly there are two parts to your post. One is that between couples and whether the same sex partner would be more accepting of their crossdressing partner than a straight partner's acceptance their partner's dressing in a heterosexual relationship. The other is whether a crossdresser would be more accepted by the patrons in a gay bar versus a straight bar.

I can only speak from my own experience and extrapolate from that. I know and have talked with a few gay male couples where one is a crossdresser. In one relationship one did not like the CDing of the other. In a couple of others, it was a non-issue and basically accepted that it was part of their personality and occasional activities. We never really discussed the details in the latter cases. So I do not know if CDing caused any issues. I personally believe that it would be easier for someone in a gay relationship to accept the crossdressing in their partner, when compared to a straight couple's situation. My reasoning is based on the strangeness/unfamiliarity of not only crossdressing but also of homosexuality in the larger straight world, plus the changed role presentation from the traditional expected role, e.g. the husband needs to be a male in the relationship. Thus the familiar first questions after the big reveal asking if their partner is gay or wants to try being with someone of the same sex, i.e. lack of good knowledge of all this. While in the gay community they already have their overly femme acting members, sometimes identified as "Flamers" as in flaming gay. It is not uncommon for a big buff male to partner up with someone with more feminine attributes. There are many variations on this that I have seen. Aspects and characteristics of a crossdresser can also show up in non-crossdressing gays. However, that being said, I have also met some that want nothing to do with crossdressing in someone they would date or partner up with. So, as in the straight world, some can live with it and others can not.

In regard to gays and lesbians accepting crossdressers into their bars and casual community there, I have been dressed at gay/lesbian bars in Detroit, Michigan, Oakland, and San Francisco, California and interacted with some of the people in those locations. I have never been treated in any way shape or form with disrespect. Just the opposite, I have been treated like any other human being in the bar, and have developed a type of casual friendship type of acquaintance, where we share sometimes personal issues that we are trying to deal with. These are conversations that they don't have with everyone. I have been with many other CD's, some first time out newbies, and they were always treated the same as I was. That does not mean that 100% of the patrons are happy that we are there, but after over 8 years of frequenting these places, I have yet to see that reaction. I think that gay bars are a somewhat more accepting venue than some straight bars for crossdressers. One reason is similar to what I said above, they have already seen parts of our personalities in some femme acting non-crossdressing gay people. It is not totally new to them to see one or more of us. I have had several gay men on more than one occasion tell me that they do not understand why we dress as the opposite gender. Their questions coming more from curiosity than disapproval. Now my experience comes from already accepting locations (SF Bay Area and Las Vegas) and venues (gay/lesbian bars that have drag shows and accommodate and want TG patrons) and I cannot speak for those gay/lesbian bars that hardly ever see any crossdressers, or may be in a very conservative part of the country. However, from what I have read from other posts and threads on this site the number of negative reactions to CD's in gay/lesbian bars is rare, not just uncommon, like maybe 5 negatives to 95 positives. That in itself is a good reason to try a local gay bar. Also note that even when one small group may be negative, what about the rest of the people in the bar? That is just another example of sometimes shit happens even in places where you do not expect it. Another correlation is that most middle age to older gays were at one time in the closet and can appreciate the need for some of us TG's to look for a safe haven off the beaten and more popular straight venue paths.