Jess - that's a really heartfelt post... I can feel your uncertainty and also the seeming pressure that is pushing you from within...
Couple of observations from an amateur...
Making an early agreement about there being no hormones tells me that was probably what you WERE considering a possibility at the time - that is a huge step, not undertaken lightly or without professional advice...
The fact that you have come out, and go out comfortably is something that many of us do WITHOUT being transexual. Actions are not necessarily a reliable indicator of what is happening deep within you - that definitely needs professional help... You have to be prepared for the possible complete destruction of your existing life and a rebuilding job from scratch. If you can even contemplate that then, probably, that professional help can't come soon enough, however much it costs... and if you have fully blown GID - so to speak - you'll have to go through that in order to feel yourself again...
I wish you the very best of luck with this...
Katey x
