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Thread: how do you know if you're male or female (outside of physicality)?

  1. #26
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    Why do people always have to fit in a box?
    Be yourself and enjoy the duality of your personality.
    I think being the way I am is the best of both worlds.I'm not stuck being one or the other.

  2. #27
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    I'm with you Tracii, trying to define someone only works for them, and why do
    we need a definition, I am Me.

  3. #28
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Well, yes....
    How do we know, I think it is all in the mind.

    It is our own perception and something private.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  4. #29
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    the more i see the responses, the more i see this was a trick question for myself. thankyou everyone for responding.

    if it's even a 2-sided coin with a thick edge, that does not explain the diversity, rather than thinking of this one-dimensionally, perhaps male and female are two independent things, of which we all have varying degrees of, and every so-called attribute of these non-physically is up for debate as to its nature/nurture element.

    Either we like the stereotypical clothing for our body-gender or we do not, either we like our body as it is or we do not, or somewhere in between.

    We perhaps have a personal gender identity, or perhaps many people never even thought of it, it's all too complex, which luckily means, just accept life and everyone as they are, and don't worry about it.

    Except, worry, hiding, fear of the mainstream judgements and very real threats to life, integrity and livelihood - the debate I'd like to see is how we help eachother to grow the community, wider awareness and create a public acceptance that we're not a deviant dangerous sex group - look to the politicians for that!

    PS do the naturalists fit in somewhere? (the no-clothes at all brigade)?

  5. #30
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
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    I've been working as a nurse for twenty years now and can safely say that I think like a woman more than ever. My job has allowed my "Feminine" emotions to rise to the top and I am praised for my thoughtfulness, caring, gentleness and relationship with my patients and staff. Over time I have even been allowed into casual conversation about fashion and even make-up since I put it out there a while ago that I had been a cosmetic buyer for a retail chain before I went into nursing. The other nurses appreciate my noticing when they restyle their hair or wear a top that makes their eyes sparkle. I think that I am very astute. Little do they know how much I copy them when I dress. I do admit that I feel a bit closer to my granddaughters than grandsons but not enough to be noticed. Like a good grandparent, I love them all so much.

  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Why do people always have to fit in a box?
    Be yourself and enjoy the duality of your personality.
    I think being the way I am is the best of both worlds.I'm not stuck being one or the other.
    Yes why do people have to fit in a box OR be put in a box by others. The way I see it its their box not mine.
    Traci, do you think its a duality of personality or maybe the complete personality? I can have very strong opinions but have always tried to view things in an equitable way or from a scientific viewpoint.

    Never cared how men will view women in a negative manner.

    I have been mistaken for a girl a few times in my life through no trying on my part. Kinda surprised me albeit in a good way.

    My hair has been permed for a while now and I have gotten some "looks". For the most part most could care less. I didn't get it for just the Karen side but because its what >I< wanted.
    Though not quite ready for the going out thingy I am just as comfortable in a skirt as pants.
    Been learning makeup and want to find someone to do the makeover.

    Nuff rambling for now all...

    Karen

  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by pamela7
    I've been pondering this a while anyway, but I mean, if we've always assumed one thing, does it means its true? How do we "know" we're M/F/TG/TS/... ?
    1. Assuming your gender identity matches your physical sex does not make it true. For one thing - they tell you what it is based on a glance between your legs. Unfortunately, your sex organs don't determine your gender, your brain does.

    2. This isn't easy for all of us, it can take some time to strip away years of socialization they've shoved down your throat. We get told we're men - sometimes this is beaten into us quite violently. But when you strip away the lies, you just know "I'm a woman" or "I'm a man." Our sense of gender is built into our minds.

    In my case, I always knew I was supposed to be a woman - but it seemed so insane, the rest of the world told me "no you are a man" and that I had some type of sexual perversion. I mean, some people get ideas in their mind that aren't real. Maybe that was me! So I buried these feelings. Besides, even if I knew they were real, doing anything about them seemed impossible. So best not to think about it. Besides, the world hated trans women, I saw plenty of evidence of that.

    I could no longer deny it two years ago, though. When I attempted suicide, and realized that I would rather die than keep up the fiction that I was a man, I could no longer deny who I was or what I had to do. I had to transition.

    Even today, if someone held a gun to my head and told me I had to go back to life as a man, or they'd execute me on the spot, I'd look them in the eye, and tell them to pull the trigger.

    I will die before I deny who I am again. I feel that strongly about it. I am a woman. I have always been a woman, my life before was almost entirely a fiction I hid behind. I deliberately created it - I had to, to survive. But almost none of it was me.
    Last edited by PaulaQ; 02-22-2015 at 03:35 AM.

  8. #33
    New Member Brittany327's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Pamela,
    I'm convinced more now that Cders can't say 100% they are one thing, we're at various stages on the male-female line ! I'm trying to get an answer, working with my counsellor to what is obsession and what is reality! The confusion doesn't clear when you dig deeper it just becomes more complex, we're all slightly different so one answer can't fit all !

    Some say don't analyse it just do it and enjoy it !

    I have to agree with Isha's second paragraph, I'm still the same person just present differently and in a way I prefer !
    I think Teresa's post really sums this up.
    No question that the topic can become very convoluted.

  9. #34
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sierra_juliette View Post
    After reading this thread, my opinion is that virtually all of the criteria for being one or the other besides the physical may suggest that I am actually a male which I am quite sure is not the case.

    I think many of the things we use to determine gender are base on how we are raised and the local culture and it is impossible to say 'oh you do XYZ you are a woman (or man)'. It is how you feel, what you feel not how you act, how you respond or speak.

    The few transgender people I have spoken to in person have explained a feeling their entire life of being trapped in the wrong body, never feeling quite right in their own skin until they realized why and began the process to change. not one of them said 'well I am caring, I am emotional when intimate, so I must transition'
    Quite right. While it is likely true that more males are able to engage in physical intimacy without a need for a strong emotional connection, or that they do not need one or feel one, (and I have been with more than just a couple of woman who didn't need it either...) I believe that any man who is in love with the person whom he is making love with is emotionally connect with her.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    There are lots of human behavioral traits that have been stereotypically attributed to one gender or the other that really are present in both sexes. I'd submit that the variations between members of the same birth gender are greater than the supposed variations between the binary genders. I'd go further in suggesting that accross the full spectrum of the TG population you'll see a similar degree of variability in terms of these presumed male and female traits.
    I agree.

    Just look at any large group of women (or men), who are gathered together. I've done this many times on campus. The range in their looks, their energies and their personalities including their ability to express emotions is huge! The men might be less apt to show their softer emotions in public and come to think of it, I know of few women who feel comfortable showing the depth of their emotions in public too, but privately everyone feels them. As to your example about attaching emotion to sex, there are indeed women who do not feel ashamed of wanting a good romp without any strings attached. We've come a long way since the 1950s.

    I raised three boys and I can tell you that when they were little, they got just as excited about stuff as girls did (jumping up and down with glee, screaming with delight) and they cried just as much when they were sad or angry. All those feelings were innate and it is only when they socialized with other boys as they got older, that they got the message, "real men don't show emotion". I did not discourage my sons from showing emotion, ever, and even today I would cradle them if they cried, even though they are adult.

    That said, you ask how do you know if you are male or female. I agree with those who have mentioned this, I think it basically boils down to anatomy. I know I am a woman because I feel comfortable with my female sex. It doesn't matter how I dress or how I look, or how often I cry and if I didn't feel congruent with my body (if I felt at odds with my breasts and vagina) then I'd ask myself some questions. I suspect if this was the case, I'd have felt the incongruence all my life.
    Reine

  11. #36
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    Pamela, great post. You got me thinking and I also exhibit those traits of nurturing (a stay at home dad) and looking back there were several times in my single days where I had a clear opportunity to add to my "number" and gently opted out because I didn't feel that connection (trust me the next day I was sort of kicking myself). This may be amazing to some but I really hadn't thought of this aspect until you made your post.
    I plan on discussing this at my next therapy session.

  12. #37
    Silver Member Jodi's Avatar
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    How would you know? Check out your blanket. If your blanket is pink, you are a girl. If its blue, you're a boy. Simple, isn't it.

    Jodi

  13. #38
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Torn View Post
    It is known, that women have a thicker corpus colossum joining the two halves of their brains, than males have, and it helps them multi-task,
    I love when people pass along information like this as if it is known fact:

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9353793

    http://jezebel.com/5627598/5-myths-a...e-female-brain

    Don't you just love Google!

    To the OP, I have no idea how to tell!

  14. #39
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    The OP, that's me, does have a better-than-average connection between his/her hemispheres. However, that may not be related to the price of fish, for there are many dyslexics and autists.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

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