Bit early I feel to be talking about the transition-word in such depth Paula...
Cassey, first of all welcome, and not too long a story - also I think one that others may have experienced in similar ways...
There seem to be several things interacting here, in brief:
- You say you buried things before you got married that you're now trying to resolve (probably not a good start but also not uncommon - many of us do that; it's a human failing but common...)
- You are understandably jealous of your wife's attentions towards a friend - but perhaps a more 'macho' male in your wife's eyes, given this other side of you is known to your wife...
- You are exploring this side of you more and perhaps feel that there is more to it than just something that is fetish or sex-related, but you mention transition which seems a huge leap from where you are (unless there are things you are not prepared to reveal)
The majority of us seem to experience some sort of sexual or sensual period, even if not the start - and that often progresses to more complete transformations with time, and/or exploring gender fluidity - so you're not unusual in that sense. Being a crossdresser, however, is still a little unusual in the world of normals, and you may just be seeing your wife reacting to this. It must be hard to feel you can be successfully dominated as a woman by a man that wears a dress, if you see what I mean.
You're doing the right thing in trying to improve communication with your wife and trying to understand what the dressing means to you. I'm sure many of us go through periods where we flirt with the fantasy of 'being' a woman - the whole dressing thing may be just that for some of us - and others may experience a mild form of GD that leaves us a little in no-mans land (pun intended) where occasional dressing is enough to fulfil our inexplicable needs (I'm in that category) and we can continue as an apparently normal, cis-male to everyone, including our spouses, if we're prepared to keep this huge secret. I guess I'm saying you probably need to try to determine where you are and what this means to you as your wife has made it very clear she needs a man who is predominantly a man - and that's not unreasonable of her: it's a choice.
It's good that you're looking at therapy to help you with your issues - perhaps you would both benefit from some couples counselling too? If you want to recover your relationship I'd suggest that both of you need to step back from the activities that are threatening it: you from your dressing, and she from her flirting, if only for a while - that at least brings you back to a stable place to start from.
Good luck with it all - take it as slowly as you can, keep talking, and try to find a way through if you can.
Katey x
