I was told in my early 30s and then in my late 30s, by two different friends, that if I could tolerate even one moment (or day, I don't remember) as a man, then hold off on transition.
I took that advice to heart.
I fight hard to not let the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" from getting in my head. At this point in my life (late 40s), my dysphoria is randomly intense, or rather triggered much of the time for various reasons. I've witnessed successful transitions, I've experienced train wrecks, I've been witness to friends committing suicide.
Transition for me would be extremely disruptive in all aspects of my life, including a strong marriage. My wife does not deserve the heartbreak, especially considering how good she is with me-as-Sirena now compared to earlier in our relationship.
I live with a dual-role presentation. It works for me at this time at this point in my life. The sting of my dysphoria can be managed well enough. I think.
I that I'm not equipped at any level to make a transition, medical and/or surgical. Still, I fear becoming an old man, but what I fear even more is dying a lonely old woman.
