Michelle, I think you've covered it really well.
One problem is that out alone we just don't see it all because we're avoiding male eye-to-eye contact, and probably using less female eye contact (why cause a threat by looking at some guy's gorgeous girlfriend instead of him? - gorilla response activated). So we need a friend along who can see the scanning.
Once you are a CD'er you're no longer scanning like a normal person. I didn't ever pay particular notice or pay attention to crossdressing before I woke up to it. If this is true for all normals then don't worry too much, most folk don't look. But women do. Today out shopping - first time in full dress with make-up (big broad straw hat instead of wig tho) I got a lot of obvious second-glances from women, and my SO said i got a double-take from a waiter at a cafe.
At one shop (Long Tall Sally in Bath, UK), there were sales assistants my height (6'1") and female clientele of similar height (one even taller than me). I was completely accepted apart from one seriously disapproving older woman who left in a hump.
Women look at women, men don't scan men, men look at women if they're not with another man. I think this is why we're outed so easily.
