Teresa, there is no "deal". We adapt to what life throws our way. Decisions are made and some even consider the feelings of others.
In my opinion you need to get in touch with exactly what your place is in TG land before worrying about getting your wife on board. Is it about something you do or who you are?
If you identify more towards TS (who you are), then the counseling angle might come across at a later point as "let's give this a try before our marriage implodes under the weight of my need to transition". On the other hand, if you lean more towards CDing and you are simply looking for more time & space to do so, then it may be helpful to establish parameters which will help you express yourself and keep the negative feelings you are experiencing at bay. This could include outings, becoming social with others and perhaps designated quiet time at home that is not in her face (i.e. - before she wakes up / after she goes to bed).
What I see in your posts is a desperate desire to bring her on board and I'm here to say that this may never happen through no fault of hers. I've been there/done that but not by way of a counseling angle. Then a day came when I realized there would be no getting her involved and as a result, I have never been happier. She gives me my space and in turn I don't do much to put this in her face (although visible body mods are a constant reminder to her).
In short, what is your endgame and is it able to adapt?
