As with so many other things, it only matters where it matters. How my identity is regarded or perceived, what I'm called, the pronouns and all the rest, along with any sensitivity I have about them, vary by circumstance. In many where I present male, I use my given name and male pronouns, even when people know I'm trans. Examples include my doctor (trans herself) and electrologist. My therapist tends to use both, unless I show up for a session dressed (rare, as I have mostly come directly from work).Originally Posted by ReineD
Where I couldn't care less is where credibility doesn't matter. Including with almost everyone here. If I know you, it matters to me. If I don't, feel free to call me whatever you want. I really don't care and it doesn't change anything as far as what I'm doing.
I *am* sensitive, and self-conscious when I present male to trans friends. That includes the Skype conversation Theresa mentioned. It includes another with Kaitlyn on an occasion where Anne and I met up. Anne was Near Full Time (NFT™) at that point, I was, once again, meeting after work. BUT, my sensitivity was only with Kaitlyn - Anne and I have met over the last 2-3 years ... both mostly presenting male. Kathryn has seen me both ways and I can be self-conscious with her, too.
Because *I* actually believe what you do is arguably more important than what you think, my self-consciousness is rooted in mixed feelings about my own credibilty (i.e., to myself)! But that's all on me. There are reasons for my path and I can live with both the external perceptions and the self-doubt that creeps in on occasion.
I dont get worked up about the identity question here when it comes to people with whom I haven't connected in the real world because the contention on this isn't really over identity. It's related to a point of forum and internet etiquette! Mostly, the courtesy is extended. Join as Babette and you will be called "she" and "Babette." I.e., you are actually being *treated* as if you were female, whether you are or not. The conversations on identity that arise from topics like full and part-time living don't change the courtesy, they are philosophical points. I understand why someone might not like another's position because they see it as a personal reflection, but it's actually not. These are theoretical and philosophical points. Views that can - and do - come down differently in individual cases in real life. A person may well strongly argue the idea that FTEFW isn't transition and, that as a permanent arrangement, reflects on identity. The same person might well acknowledge the identity in real life!
It doesn't make make sense to to extend identity courtesy in a discussion where the question of identity is the point. It's not only irrelevant, but if so extended, merely adds unnecessary verbiage. "Babette: I'm FTEFW, will never have FFS, take hormones, or have SRS, and always will be just like this, and I'm a woman! ... Edna: You're a woman, all-righty, but my view is that ..."
Really? Are people SO sensitive to a theoretical point that they need this validation from someone on the internet? Whom they typically don't know?
