Femininity and Female Identity

[ReineD]

- but if you were able to suspend disbelief for a while and just accept that some people have these competing aspects within themselves -

I do accept. I also attempted to define here, since this was the thread topic.

It is complex, but most people will distill the description down to something very simplistic.

I agree this is complex and frankly I find the complexity at times is overwhelming since we cannot discuss all facets in forum posts. People tend to only focus on one facet at a time, when there are multiple facets to consider at once like the double slit experiment. For example, there is a difference between someone who identifies as a woman, someone who identifies as a man, someone who feels they are women or gender fluid despite what they are wearing, someone who feels they are women or gender fluid only when they dress, and someone who feels they are men when they dress. So basically, is it a question of having one objective truth (an essential definition for woman and an essential definition for man), or is there no such thing and everyone is who they say they are despite all appearances. I think that in the world outside this community, people will know who is a woman or a man. In this forum? Not so much. And what about the battles surrounding the definitions of woman vs female, and man vs male? It is confounding.

Anyway, there is value in attempting to simplify the complexity of definitions to something that will lead to common language. But, using examples of behaviors that do not define the essence of femininity I don't think is the way to do it, since people in and out of this community will disagree on the essence of femininity.

I know that CDers can agree among themselves on what is essentially feminine though, as you say it is easiest to describe stereotypical behaviors. But, if they want family, friends, and the world at large to get on board, they'll need to try a different approach in my opinion, since their definitions of femininity will not mesh with other people's experiences.

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So here is a paradox that I'm sure will be answered differently by everyone. When I use "you", I mean a universal "you", not just you, Katey:

You say you feel feminine and you want others to perceive you as being feminine. Do you want others to accept that you feel as a woman (a man who enjoys dressing as a woman), or do you want them to believe that you are a woman when you dress. In other words, does it matter if their perception of you is not the same as how you feel internally. By "others" I mean the people in your lives, the people here, and pure strangers.