Quote Originally Posted by Veronica27 View Post
However, this so complex that they wouldn't understand, and I don't know how I could possibly explain it to them, when I am still searching for answers myself. My choice is to remain in the closet, or have them be suspicious of my motivations and behaviour in ways I may never have dreamed about.
Ok. This may be too simplistic, but there is one thing you can say that no one in your family can argue with. You can simply tell them that although you know this is not common, you do enjoy presenting (or dressing) as a woman. If they ask why, the response can be that they should explain to you why THEY have the preferences they have. Can anyone explain why they prefer art over playing sports, or why they obtain such deep satisfaction over doing anything they love to do?

If they object, it is because maybe because they think there is something wrong with men who enjoy looking like women. They need to realize that although at one time this was considered strictly fetishistic, it is no longer.

But the minute you get into explaining this as a female gender identity (if you are not transitioning), you risk having them scratch their heads for two reasons: one, if it is a choice for you to remain closeted it means there is an option for you to live as a man, and if this is the case, then there is a conflict between what you do and what you say. Two, if you tell them that dressing as a woman is what a feminine identity means to you, they will point out that presentation is only one aspect. Also, if it is simply a matter of enjoying spending time with women and talking to them, they know you can do this when you are dressed as a male.

The people who say they are gender-fluid (who do not attempt to mask or explain away the fact they have chosen to live as men) I think have the best chances of being understood, if they are fortunate enough to be living among open-minded people. This, I believe, is because everyone has their own personal definition of what gender-fluid means and it does not necessarily conflict with what they think their CDer's default gender identity is.

That said (and for the benefit of any TSs reading), what I say above does not apply to people who transition. I am not implying that birth-males cannot have a female gender identity and transition.

... I just read Pamela's post, who said the same thing in a lot fewer words. lol