You are not transsexual if that makes you feel better. The feelings that make transsexuals unhappy, anxious and depressed are normally associated with a disconnection between their inner self and their physical body, it is not about clothes. Typically, transsexuals are not motivated by arousal and erotic sensations or behaviours that are more typical in paraphilias, their internal necessity is something much deeper. In contrast, the erotic component is fairly common in crossdressers, in some of them more accentuated than others, in some crossdressers it does not exist at all or has decreased with the pass of time, but in others it is even a strong fetish. In my case, crossdressing is almost exclusively about sexual gratification, nothing turns me on more than that, and without it I think crossdressing would be meaningless to me. And I am sure that it is not something bad, I do not feel shame at all, and I am not obsessed with that, it does not interfere in my daily activities, even when I think about it many times during the day. In your case, I assume it is something similar but out of control, you said that you have always had problems with the activities that you enjoy, if they tend to become easily addictive or something like that, I think it is due to some psychological or psychiatric disorder. Therefore, in my opinion your problem is not crossdressing nor transsexualism, the real cause is some disorder, and of course it might be related with your OCD. But do not worry, as soon as you receive psychological and/or medical attention I am sure that you will be fine, you will not get rid of your crossdressing fetish but you will begin to enjoy it without the anxiety and obsession that worries you now. My best wishes to you.
