I'd have to agree 100% with what Jen said: "For me, it's easy: family first. ….. I'll never put cross dressing first nor do I ever feel bad about cross dressing taking a back seat. Cross dresser is not who I am, it's just a part."
I'd have to agree 100% with what Jen said: "For me, it's easy: family first. ….. I'll never put cross dressing first nor do I ever feel bad about cross dressing taking a back seat. Cross dresser is not who I am, it's just a part."
Last edited by audreyinalbany; 12-16-2015 at 11:17 AM. Reason: duplicate post
I suspect that nearly all of us that are or were in a situation like yours have felt similar pressures, misgivings, resentments, etc. One has to decide which priorities are the most important and do the best that you can.
Hugs, Carole
N.B. I chose to live as a male for years because I thought my wife would be more comfortable with it and she did let me "dress" if I wanted and when I wanted. So this may be a little off for the OP.
You may think it's purgatory, you may think it's hell. You may not be happy that you have to keep this hidden. But think about this for a minute because this is what happened to me. In a flash your spouse could be gone. You think it's purgatory living with her rules, try thinking what it's like living without her totally. Your dressing purgatory will be lifted, your real life purgatory may just begin.
You know sometimes we make choices. Right now you choose to stay in purgatory. You stay because of a myriad of reasons. But right now it is a choice. I know that people come here and "vent" a lot. They like to see themselves as a victim. Yeah, life is hard, we all know that. But realize, sometimes, being a little purgatory is better than the alternative
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Yes I agree with you BUT some of that personality BECAUSE of crossdressing is GONE. The friend and partner that you had (speaking of her not me) is gone because of not dressing. I have seen this personally in my case. I have chose this and I know I wouldn't change it but "I DID".........Originally Posted by Lorileah
interesting description, purgatory. I too feel a sense of gender purgatory at times. A lot of times actually. Not ever quite male or female. Both seem to want to be the dominant force. As a husband/father, I definitely enjoy both roles immensely. My wife is aware of my CDing, so she does see some of my feminine side. (not dressed) but I allow her to see the real me as far as my personality and any feminine traits and mannerisms I have that occur naturally. Still, I enjoy being her husband too. As for being a father, I just cannot imagine giving up the relationship I have as their father. Yet, there is a strong part of my core which, maybe not truly female, but definitely feminine enough that I feel very much connected and aligned with females. I feel a strong sense of comfort when I dress, and in women's sections of stores, I feel very much as if I belong there. As if those stores were meant for me. It is a conflict of sorts no doubt.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
I'm thinking the sense of purgatory is self-inflicted perhaps because you're still thinking there's a standard you should be following that you're not living up to in some way. There is no standard. There's just who you are. "Dad" is a title bestowed for life; nothing you can do can change the fact that you are someone's Dad. You don't have to be John Wayne or Bruce Willis to be someone's Dad. The attributes that matter about Dadhood have nothing to do with gender. You have to love, protect, guide and honor your child. That's all. I'm very proud to be my kids' Dad.
Husband is similar in that classic manliness isn't really a part of the job description. Unlike Dad, it is a title that can be revoked and sadly mine was decades ago but until that happened, I fulfilled the duties faithfully and have no regrets nor sense that my vacillating gender identity was the cause of any of the problems.
Crossdresser is an adjective that can modify Husband or Dad. It doesn't change the role of either, it just says there's more to you. It's kind of like adding a color adjective to, say, a scarf. You can have a red scarf or a blue scarf but it's still a scarf and does what scarves do (whatever that is.) And as adjectives go, it isn't a bad one -- not like drunken or neglectful. Relax. Accept yourself. Don't worry about what you "should" be -- just be who you are.
Edit:OK, I just re-read that and, no, I was not saying there are drunken or neglectful scarves out there. I apologize to any scarves that may have been offended. I was thinking of those terms being applied to husbands or Dads.
Last edited by Pat; 12-18-2015 at 11:11 AM.
A few years ago my .sig line read "as female as possible under the circumstances." That still applies. That does not mean that I'm not "Dad" to my daughters. Dad may be in a dress, but they'll never lose Dad!
Similarly, I will always be Mimi's husband. Everyone evolves, but that does not need to change relationships if the parties involved want them to continue.
Last edited by Eryn; 12-18-2015 at 02:37 PM.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
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