What it fundamentally boils down to is not how others see you but how YOU see yourself. If you are a woman and not a man, then you need to honor this. But, if you want to be a woman only if you can be a certain kind of woman, then you may be setting yourself up for disaster.Originally Posted by Ashley in Virginia
I’ll be painfully honest with you, and you can verify what I am about to say in the TS section with members who have transitioned. The thing is, the process of transition is time consuming (and expensive). It can take some time before others will completely cease to see the male cues. HRT may be enough for some people, but (some? many?) TSs have needed FFS or some cosmetic surgery to be stealth if this was their goal and this, combined with HRT can take as long as one or two years before the goal is accomplished. And if you do transition in place, then people will know that you were born male. There is no way to get around that, but you may find that you will make all new friends, plus you may discover that some of your old friends will be supportive. If you work for a company with progressive policies, then it won’t matter what they think … your job will be secure.
This is why it is imperative for YOU to know who YOU are, because the knowledge that you are a woman will give you the inner strength you will need to carry you through the difficulty of being misgendered, which will happen … until the process of transition is complete. Again, you don’t need to take my word for it, please discuss this in the TS section with people who have gone through it. Ask them to not gloss over it and instead tell you how they coped, I’m sure they will give you excellent coping strategies. There are quite a few people who have transitioned here and who are happy, much happier than before. They can also tell you how they overcame the shame hurdle or if it was even important for them to never be misgendered.
I’m worried about you because I get the impression you hinge your decision to transition on how others will perceive you. This is not the way to approach transition, you need to first determine who YOU are, and if you are a woman, then honor that and develop the courage to go through with what you need to go through, no matter the outcome. And you will need courage and strength of conviction, there's no sense pretending otherwise. Transition is not easy, no matter what anyone else says.
But I’ve got to tell you that more and more people are not as concerned about being completely stealth any more, it’s not like it was 5-10 years ago. The world is changing and the knowledge that there are people who are transsexual is permeating public awareness to the point where the vast majority of the public will treat you with respect even if they do know or suspect you were born as a male. So if public opinion is your biggest sticking point, you may discover that it is not as bad out there as you think it might be.
As to finding partners (if this is your larger concern), then I don’t know what to say. Generally I think that people accept more easily if they are not in intimate relationships. I have no clue about the percentage of the dating pool (in 2016) who are OK with being in relationships with transitioners. You could ask about that in the TS section as well.
