Sounds great in theory, Nadine, but I'd love to hear your thoughts about how to deal with an SO who is highly opinionated, judgmental, unwilling to yield on any point, hears but does not absorb and/or process the information that is presented to her, sidesteps direct questions the way a true politician does without ever giving a direct answer, and is never, ever wrong about anything.

In any discussion, the first order of the day for my wife is to determine who (in her opinion) is at fault and therefore needs to accept full responsibility for what went wrong, get reamed out over it, and only then can there be any movement forward (as if!). Conversely, even when she is wrong or out of line in her thinking or actions, and even if she were confronted with irrefutable evidence of this corroborated by dozens of eyewitness accounts (as well as videotaped evidence if necessary), she would still adopt the adamant, illogical, supremely tone-deaf and arrogant "Shaggy" defense so often repeated in his iconic song ("It wasn't me!").

Pray tell, how does one then get through to an SO who believes that her values, life experiences, and opinions are the gold standard that everyone should adhere to, and that the only right way is hers. Given that mindset, she also believes that not only is she totally beyond reproach, it is also her mission in life to whip everyone around her in line and to her way of thinking, and that nagging, berating, and belittling are legitimate tools to that end.

How does one get a person like that to accept a spouse's crossdressing and gender dysphoria when she is convinced that this is reprehensible, deviant behavior and a self-indulgent "hobby" that must be suppressed lest that spouse set themselves (and her) up for ridicule, not to mention psychologically damaging anyone among family or friends who might become exposed to this embarrassing knowledge and/or activity. I haven't been able figure out the answer to any of that in close to 45 years of marriage, so if you can do it, my hat is off to you.

Yes, we're very much DADT, my wife and I, and while I sometimes think that I see a softening in her position vis-a-vis my crossdressing, before long we're at it again hammer and tong, and invariably at my wife's instigation. Pretty much, actually, like the Arab-Israeli conflict that has been going on for what seems like forever, with the cease-fires occasionally negotiated serving no other purpose than to provide an opportunity to reload for the next round of fighting.