Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
I relate a lot to what Suzzane said about her fear of where crossdressing would go if she did it. I dressed and went out twice in my life prior to starting down the road to transition - both halloween events. The first when I was only around 21 or so. What happened was not pretty and quickly found myself in seeing a psychiatrist after. The second in 2008 was a catalytic event that left in deep depression for over year and led me to transition. Likewise, when people like my wife would try to get me to seek help with what was wrong with me (they did not know what was really wrong, but knew something was wrong) I would not do it because I knew what door it would open up and that scared me. Most of my life was about shoving down what was inside.
When i came here it was trying to see if I could learn to better express myself with the cloths and find a way to enjoy crossdressing in the hope it would quiet the demons inside. Failed! Did not work, I could not even start to get into the crossdressing stuff. I did not relate to most of the discussions and really was not into all the talk about cloths and that. The last thing I wanted to be was a man wearing womens cloths (not that there is anything wrong with it, but it was not me). After getting here I pretty quickly ended up in the ts side. I related more to them. I hated being a man no matter what cloths I was wearing. I could never understand why I felt that way, but I did.
