Interesting. Seems like turning 60 is a big help. Hopefully I can get there before then.
So far the biggest thing that has helped me (and what pushed me to join this forum) was a supervisor in a different department coming out as TG at work. I've never worked with her or talked with her, but I was very impressed. It made me think to myself that if she can do that I should be able to come to terms with my dressing. I wonder how many other people she has helped without knowing it.
I've spent many years searching for answers, but this forum has helped me accept who I am. I've come to terms that I am what I am and nothing is go to change that.
I totally hope you do too. I can't tell you how much I wish I had learned to accept myself in my 20's.Originally Posted by fly2188
Interesting. Seems like turning 60 is a big help. Hopefully I can get there before then.
I think the key to the 60 thing is that at that age some of us feel like our dues is fully paid up, we can see the end of the runway approaching and we realize we can't go to our graves without taking this hidden part of us out for a walk in the light. I regret nothing about my life, but I get a bit wistful thinking of happiness deferred.
Problems with self-acceptance result from our fear of embarrassment, rejection, or worse. While most people who see us in public just ignore us, they still snicker (who cares) or tell their friends, "Guess what I saw today." While I would love to really not give a damn what anybody thinks, the truth is I do. It doesn't stop me from dressing. But any guilt or shame that we might feel all comes from other people's projections....On the other hand, none of those of who do actually hate us or would ridicule us would never have the courage to do what we do. Anyone outside the "norm" in any way faces misunderstanding and negative reaction...Love yourself, doll. No one else is going to.
Adrienner, You have said it well!
perhaps not from me.
I crossdress a lot, and I thought I was okay with it, but a number of people have told me I need to do the same- so i do think I have some aspect of not quite getting it.
All I can say is consider what everyone responds with- great question, and a plethora of good advice.
Not something that happened over night, This was along process that took a lot of years.
Coming out to my wife and family, and their acceptance has been a huge help.
And the fact that I am getting older in years and don't really care what people think anymore.
All these things have made me grow to accept myself more.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
I've been riding the cross-dressing "roller coaster" for fifty years. I still love it.
Can't wait for the next ride in a new dress.
Even though I don't have 50 years of experience I really like this quote. I too went through a long period of struggling with the CD desire but finally in the end result came to the conclusion that only by dressing up would my life be complete. I loved it when I started and love it just as much now. There is no use fighting this inclination. On this list there are so many postings about the dilemma of cross dressing but it seems that most people at some point, like me, accept it and life becomes complete. It's a way of life that is an integral part of me and I realize I just had to accept it.
I guess for me "the moment" was meeting other CD'ers in the flesh for the first time. Even walking into the meeting I was full of doubts but sitting and chatting just as anyone else would who was out on a social evening made me realise that what I enjoyed doing wasn't strange or abnormal. It was something I shouldn't be ashamed or afraid of.
If you're read any previous posts of mine you'll know I'm deeply in the closet so it seems sort of a contradiction that I'm content with myself but not willing to share with those close to me. But here's the point; I'm content with me. That doesn't mean others will be, so I'm not willing to risk exposure.
Perhaps you need to separate how you feel about yourself from how you feel the world views you?
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
I have successfully quit most of my "bad" habits but not this one which was so "deep in", after countless cycle of purging, I am still unable to reconcile with my true self. Sometime I tell myself to be happy, just live and enjoy life the fullest but at times the worry of being discovered by love ones can be very stressful and daunting. Not sure how much more time I need to get this through and accept myself.
I still care what others think and show compassion to those that have trouble with my dressing.
This usually happens at parties and if you show interest towards those that appear threatened, by the end of the night you can be friends, or at least conversationalists.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I have this problem too. I acknowledge what I am, but have trouble making peace with it. It's hard to accept one's self when family and society at large don't. I see our situation like this. The feminine side of my gender is just as much a part of me as brown eyes. Imagine if society suddenly decided that brown eyes were taboo, and people with brown eyes had to wear dark glasses to hide them all the time. You could only remove those glasses when alone. Otherwise you'd be subject to ridicule and discrimination, and sometimes even be physically assaulted for exposing your brown eyes. So most of the time you'd be seeing a dim vision of the world... less colorful, less alive.
We CD'ers are asked to see the world through dark glasses. We must keep our true selves hidden. We are led to believe that an integral part of our personality must be shielded from others lest they be offended, that something is "wrong" with us because of our "brown eyes". Some do find the courage to take the glasses off, and not care what society thinks. I think they are farther along the road to self-acceptance than I am and their courage I believe is paving the way for those less courageous like myself and I salute them for their courage.
When I am alone in the day and can take off the dark glasses and see the world in full color, it's marvelous. But when evening comes and I have to put the dark glasses back on, it's depressing. Nothing makes me feel more content than dressing in the morning, and nothing makes me feel more shame than having to take it all off and hide all traces in the evening.
I was thinking about my response and then saw that Cheryl T wrote it for me. So yeah, what she said.
It's just the way we are. It's no different than being born blonde vs. redhead.
While I think we need to ultimately be at peace with ourselves, we also need to give ourselves a little break with acceptance. By that I mean, that it is difficult to accept ourselves as such a small minority.... 2 to 3%, maybe a little more, a true number of us is really hard to be certain of. And not simply being in such a small minority, but one that often has negative society issues besides. It's ok to have difficulty with being somewhere on the TG spectrum. Don't beat yourself up because accepting yourself for such a situation is not easy.I have successfully quit most of my "bad" habits but not this one which was so "deep in", after countless cycle of purging, I am still unable to reconcile with my true self. Sometime I tell myself to be happy, just live and enjoy life the fullest but at times the worry of being discovered by love ones can be very stressful and daunting. Not sure how much more time I need to get this through and accept myself.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
Honestly, it comes with time. The more I did it, the more I came to understand that there's nothing really wrong with me or what I do. Having an accepting girlfriend who pushed me to explore this side of myself also helped.
I don't feel like I know anything about myself to be perfectly honest.
Ending the masquerade of overcompensating on the outside because i knew who i was on the inside, letting the kind, happy loving person come out and become more of my full time personality that others encounter has benefitted me in countless ways. The quality and quantity of friends aquired the past few years in contrast to the stereotypes that I grew up with and perpetrated myself because I was "programmed" from birth that men were "this or that" and masculinity was not to be questioned (my eyes tear up when I think of so many years wasted being that way). I mean I lived in Europe as a young adult after "escaping" my parents, and learned first hand that there is so much in this world to see and do and interesting people to meet, yet chose to wear blinders most of my life. Its like a form of self inflicted punishment. I'm happy all the time now and my face reflects that with the cheerful response i get back when saying hello to strangers every day. By accepting myself and being comfortable with who i am seems to flood over to others. Life is great! Negativity builds walls, a confident smile brings warmth.
AND LEARN TO DANCE !!!
Posting Permissions
