There's a huge difference between acceptance and enjoying CDing.
When he came out to me, was I thrilled? No.
Do I enjoy it? Nope. Not really.
Am I attracted to it? No... I'm quite hetero, no sexual attraction to women, even men dressed as one.
Do I accept it? Yes. I want him to be happy. I accept him for who he is.
So let's first try to get past that wife being ecstatic to see you in a dress. You might be luckier spotting a unicorn.

And like some of you, he discovered CDing well into our relationship. It wasn't something he did prior. But at least he told me when he started getting into it. Does he still hide it? Yes. I can understand that though, we didn't have an easy start with it, and sometimes he just wants to do his thing without getting a comment from me. I've learned to be okay with that, honestly don't mind not having to deal with the shock/heart sinking feeling when I do see it and I'm not mentally prepared for it. I have to mentally prepare for it every time. It's like what I'd imagine being tasered. If you've been tasered once, you know what it's like, but it doesn't mean you're going to be ready to be tasered at any given moment after that. It might be easier if I know it's coming (even if it's still a shock).

If you choose/chose to marry someone who is closed-minded when it comes to LGBT issues, she is not going to accept it. If she's the kind of person who thinks you can cure homosexuality or that it's a choice, she's not going to accept it. If she is scared about the bathroom laws, no, she's not going to accept it. I'd even go as far as saying if she's religious, most of them aren't going to be very accepting (there's the whole sin and guilt and asking forgiveness aspect to that). Note that I said most, as there are many out there who are religious and still fight for equality. If she watches a documentary or news clip about trans kids and her first thing is "oh, those poor parents" and "you know, they shouldn't accept that, it's because of a lack of discipline and poor parenting" then she's not going to accept CDing.

If she has a level head on her shoulders and knows that there is a lot more to a relationship than whether or not you like to put on a dress, your marriage will likely survive, as long as you treat her right and can stick out the initial roughness of it. There's more to it than that, even if she's open minded and accepting and understanding, which I'll try to explain.

Was it easy when my husband first came out? NO

I'm going to go in to a bit of detail now all the things that went through my head when I was first dealing with it.
Did we fight a lot? YES. Quite a bit. Sometimes it got real nasty. He felt betrayed. I felt betrayed. It took nearly three years and a period of him going DADT for me to finally wrap my head around the whole thing.
Why? It wasn't really about the dressing. It was that the dressing took off with him. It's that dmn pink fog some of you get into. It was me saying okay when he first told me he was interested in exploring it, then trying to deal with the initial shock, because my first exposure was him in FULL dress, and no matter how open minded you think you are, seeing your husband completely dressed up, wig, makeup, breastforms, hose, shoes, clothes, the works is a LOT to take in. And then he disappeared for half a year. We had a baby to care for. If you have kids, you know your wife goes through a period of low self-esteem after becoming a mom, seeing her body changed, destroyed even. She may or may not even suffer from PPD, something most won't care to admit. I did, I didn't admit it to him. So here I am with a baby, I feel gross and anything but sexy, and now my husband was completely engrossed in his femme self. I thought I did something wrong. I thought maybe he didn't feel attracted to me anymore because I was a mother. (Look up the madonna-***** complex - I was seriously thinking my husband had that.) So now I'm gross, I have a baby I care for 24/7, housekeeping, and not one word about me being beautiful. No interest in me in the bedroom unless he's dressed, like he was making up for the fact that I was gross and unattractive. Just like many of you go through this whole thing of shame and guilt and self-consciousness, women do too. But it's ALL the time. We're constantly picking ourselves apart. He's dressing up as his perfect idealized form of a female, all the things he finds sexy, and to me it was just another way to rub it in all the ways I'm not. It hurt. It really really really hurt. No amount of "sometimes you need to focus on me too" and "don't you care what I'm into?" didn't matter. There was no give and take. It was just him doing his thing and to hell with my feelings or whether or not it affected my self-esteem. CDing is a very selfish thing. It just involves you and your femme, and what you want and this fight because you deserve to be happy. But is your wife happy?

If she's not in a good place, if she's not happy, if she has low self-esteem, if she's suffering from depression, if she never hears she's beautiful, that she turns you on, that she's sexy, that she's amazing - if you just reserve that for Valentines day, her birthday and your wedding anniversary (and in my case I don't even hear it then, I have to ASK), CDing to her is just going to be another way of you showing her that she is inadequate. She's not woman enough for you which is why you've found another woman (your femme) to replace her. Meanwhile you are worried you're not man enough for her. It's not talked about. There's not a whole lot of information out there available to the public about it. And any conversation you two try to have turns into a big fight, with at least one if not both of you crying, because you're both now having to deal with the deepest, darkest feelings that you both work so hard to suppress on a daily basis and are desperately needing understanding from each other, but both are so caught up in unmet needs that nobody's listening. And then when she needs you to tell her you love her, that you're attracted to her, that the reason you dress is maybe because you admire her so much that you want to BE like her, because to you she's perfect and to you being just a man isn't good enough... you don't tell her. Instead you disappear into your pink fog and become consumed with your obsession, likely taking some of her clothes in the process. (PS. a big big big no. don't do it without asking permission, and by permission I mean ask for specific things you can borrow.) She feels unloved, abandoned and even worse about herself than she did before.

You know when I finally became okay with it? When I found my self-esteem. CDing stopped being a threat when I found my self-worth. I'm pretty sure most of the accepting GGs on here will tell you the same, that it all comes down to your self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love, self-esteem. If your wife doesn't have that when you tell her, aside from having her trust broken, you've inadvertently just told her that she's not woman-enough for you. You need more. She isn't going to take your CD as a compliment. And while I would LOVE to hear my husband tell me I look good, or that he noticed when I dressed a little nicer than usual, or my hair looks great, or that I'm sexy, or I turn him on... anything, really, I don't get it from him. It took a long time to realize that I am responsible for my own happiness and self-worth and self-esteem. Most women still depend on their spouses for that bit of reassurance. Especially after having kids. Or a long day. Or when she's going through menopause, or she's having a hard time with something. She needs to hear that from the man she married, that he's not bored with her after being together for so long. Heaven forbid she catches you looking at other women (you know you do, even if the reasons why you do are different than why she thinks you do).

I can tell you though, if you're planning on transitioning and not just CDing, unless she's Bi or REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY loves you unconditionally (like a saint) and would sacrifice her needs for yours, it's not going to work out. I'm willing to bet most of you have hetero wives who have no interest in being married to a woman. CDing is a much easier pill to swallow than a full transition. If my husband told me he wanted to transition, that he no longer identifies as male, I would explain to him that I will support him as a friend, but I did not choose to marry a woman and have no desire to spend the rest of my life married to one. I would kindly request that he supports me in my needs as well as we go our separate ways.