I've crossdressed pretty much all of my life but then due to other things happening in my life I stopped. Then I met my wife and after a break of around 15 years give or take the need to dress started again. However, as I wasn't dressing when we met I didn't tell her (I guess a similar situation to others on here). Obviously the need to dress has increased and again like others the guilt of not telling your SO becomes quite overwhelming and in the end I did tell her. There were several reasons for this. Firstly as mentioned, the guilt. Second, the stash and the amount of clothing was increasing. Third, I've made friends with others and going out has become something I'd like to do more of. Fourth, pressure from those CD friends (not directly as they have been great and very supportive in any decision I've made) but pressure put on by me due to the changes my friends have made in their lives.
So, I made the decision to tell my wife and possibly risk everything I have (and I adore my wife and family more than anything else in my life). To cut a long story short, this was done in a letter that I read out to her, telling her exactly what I did, what I wear, how I have been out with others and answering some of the obvious questions - no I'm not gay, no I don't want a sex change, etc etc.
The initial conversation went well (in fact a little too well) and we even laughed and joked about a few things. However, after sleeping on it and in the cold light of day my wife is obviously not happy with the situation and doesn't want to talk about it (although she knows the option is always there to discuss if she likes). Thankfully it hasn't had an effect on our marriage and it's something that's just 'not talked about'. She doesn't want to see me dressed or talk about it still (four months on) and in fact she has indicated she probably would have been happy not knowing as she thought we had a 'normal' relationship. I do get to go out when personal commitments allow but I change away from the house and change before I get back. I don't do half measures. If I dress, I dress fully, makeup, the lot!
So the reason for this tread. Two fold really.
Firstly my wife said had she known about this when we met we probably wouldn't have ended up staying together. This although quite hurtful to hear at the time was completely understandable. Thankfully we are a solid couple and hope that anything that came in our way as a couple and family could be sorted out. It also means I made the right decision for my relationship by not mentioning it and anyone saying you've been misleading to her, it's been unfair etc etc, does NOT understand my relationship. You can't, your aren't me or my wife which leads me on to my second point.
Point two. There is no right and wrong in when or even if you tell your SO. Anyone who is demonised for not being straight up front is just wrong. Having someone to talk to on a forum is all very well and good and we all have our own views. However, someone who is sat behind a computer on the other side of the world can't possibly know you, or your SO, or your relationship, so how can they possibly provide advice on how to do things? No two couples in a relationship are the same!
Lastly, I owe a lot to the friends I've met on here as we now chat on a regular basis and meet up when we can. They aren't judgemental and are a great support in what ever decision I make!