What underlies society's and SO fears about crossdressing

[ReineD]

ClosetED, sorry for the long post, but I'm addressing several remarks.

Not normal behavior for a man.
Fear of anything different from normal gender roles.

I’m with Tracii, except I’d replace the second line with "Mistrust of anything different including a variance of gender roles". We’re hard wired to detect and react to any potential threat, and so we do mistrust what is unfamiliar. But this applies to everything, not just unfamiliar gender expression. We’re suspicious of food we haven’t seen before (a lot of people refuse to even try these foods), we’re cautious in unfamiliar surroundings (a lot of people don’t even want to travel to foreign lands), we’re suspicious when we see people behaving in cagey ways (we mistrust what they’re up to), to name a few.



But to address your OP, ClosetED, I think you have an incomplete picture of how GGs feel generally. I say "generally" because as with everything else, we cannot put every single GG in the same box:

a woman is not lesbian, but having a partner who presents as female makes them feel that way

No. Women who are in relationships with crossdressers generally know they are not lesbian and they know they will not become attracted to women just because their husbands wear dresses. And because they are not attracted to women, they (generally) do not find their husbands attractive if the husbands wear things traditionally worn by women. Some wives can get past this, however, as long as the feminine presentation does not enter the bedroom. And some wives can get past it in the bedroom, but they still fundamentally know that their husbands are anatomical males. Few wives stay the course after a full transition although I applaud those than can.

As to not wanting to be perceived as lesbian, this is true because no one wants to be perceived as someone they are not. But, what person on the street will perceive a wife to be lesbian if she is with a man who happens to be presenting as a woman? The wife will be perceived as being in a relationship with a crossdresser (and not another woman) since very few crossdressers are perceived by others as natal females. This gets us back to Tracii's point which is that most people don't get why a guy would want to present as a woman, so there's a taboo (judgement or suspicion) attached to this. Some wives dislike being stared at or judged and this is why some wives feel awkward while out with their husbands while crossdressed.

things often change after marriage, so is that deception? Women put on makeup routinely - is that deception?

No. There’s a difference between enhancing a gender presentation (a wife putting on makeup), and wanting to do the exact opposite (a husband putting on female makeup).

Competitive - does the SO feel competition for her love and attention from this 'other woman' in the relationship? Despite the male partner showing her love and attention, she can see how happy this makes him, and feels competition due to that?

Yes. But, if a crossdresser shows his wife love and attention consistently (if he does prioritize her above the CDing), the wife will be more open to the CDing than when the husband shows a preference for his female presentation. So if the wife perceives that her husband would rather dress than do something with her, of if he goes behind her back and he is caught, or if there are more financial resources allocated to the CDing than on the wife, the wife might feel that the husband prioritizes the CDing although these are very loose examples because these sorts of things vary from couple to couple.


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Amy Fakley, you’ve got things all turned around. The market responds to what people want, not the reverse. In the beauty and fashion industries, the market fundamentally addresses people’s needs to attract each other and also to show their socioeconomic status. Since most women are attracted to men and vice versa, the men and women will seek to make themselves attractive to each other through what is currently seen as attractive in any given society. Have you noticed, most media images that advertise beauty and fashion products feature young people, which happens to be the age range when most people are seeking mates? And separate from any attempt to attract the opposite sex, there is also the eternal quest for youth, but this is because youth is prized in our society and these products promise a more youthful appearance. Forty year olds get jobs more than sixty year olds.


It’s true that women are exposed to incessant marketing geared to impossible ideals of beauty (the use of female models who are in the top 5% on the human attractiveness scale and if they’re aren’t, they’re photoshopped to look that way), but that’s a separate issue. A lot of women are rebelling against this.