I have 4 different coming out in LTR experiences that I can talk about in relation to this thread.


I try very hard not to let a girl tell me how it is when it comes to how I should behave or act and this is how each scenario played out. I'm going to label the girls as C, M, K, and T so as to not give any names and I don't want to give too many identifying details. Although I don't think the details will matter in this context I have had one of the ex's stalk me as far as finding my accounts on this site before so I think its best to keep it that way.


First was C, who I was with for 3 and a half years. It was during HS and into college. In HS I was just starting to learn about crossdressing and about what the things I was thinking regularly about meant. She was very into rocky horror and encouraged crossdressing as long as it was within that context. When she started to find out about my crossdressing experimentation outside of that about 2 and a half years in she initially adopted DADT. Which was fine for a while, but the more I experimented and the more she eventually found out the worse our relationship got. It got to the point her brother would call me a faggot and she would defend him instead of me when I stood up for myself.


Next is M. We were together for about 3 and a half years as well. At the beginning of our relationship I was not crossdressing, during one of the periods where I was in denial of who I am. About 3 years into our relationship she started getting really into makeup. I offered for her to practice her techniques on me after she jokingly suggested it, which she gladly accepted to giving her someone to practice on. While she was practicing one day, she told me at some point she thought I made a very pretty girl which got me excited and we started talking about crossdressing. One of her gay friends would occasionally dress in drag so I assumed she was ok with it. But as things progressed, the more I dressed the more she got angry about things that didn't really matter. Eventually she broke up with me and started calling me a crossdressing faggot online via facebook. Although she was totally ok with her friend crossdressing she felt like I betrayed her. After being involuntarily outed to so many people I purged everything. In this instance I did cower, afraid of what everyone else would thing of me.


Then came K. After being berated online to pretty much all of my friends and more thanks to M, I tried to put it all behind me. I forsake crossdressing and for almost 4 years of our relationship I didn't have any clothes, makeup, or anything. Then it slowly started again. One day she caught me wearing girls panties. She was the ultimatum girlfriend. At first she tried to be ok with it and she tried very hard, but eventually she admitted quite directly that I wasn't what she bargained for when we started dating and it was either her or the clothes. She wanted a real man that could take care of her, but no matter how much I proved I could take care of her, I was still the girl trapped inside the guy and that wasn't enough at that point. She felt betrayed, and I can understand why, although I never meant for it to be that way. I had honestly thought I was completely done with crossdressing going into that relationship, and in some ways I felt betrayed by myself. The more I stood my ground about who I am the worse the fights got. She wanted me to submit and return to who I was when I started dating her. She swore if I was honest from the beginning that she would have accepted me, but I don't think that's really true. It would have however saved both of us a lot of heartache. Our relationship ended in a lot of fights and a many days of me being called a faggot among other things.


Lastly is T. I told her within the first few weeks of dating, before anything got serious, about my crossdressing and possibly even transgender tenancies and thoughts. Although she had some hard days and we had some rough talks, she ultimately decided that the person I am, with or without crossdressing and more, an amazing person. She knew who I was going into the serious portion of our relationship and accepted me from the beginning. We're now going on 3 years and are talking about marriage and kids. She actually encourages me to be who I am regardless of what others think.


I know these aren't necessarily everyone's situations and not every scenario will play out the same, but from my experience the longer you wait to tell them the harder it is for them to deal with. I still adamantly feel no one should back down from who they are for anyone, but I can also say from experience that the more you push back later into a relationship the worse the lash back is.


I hope everyone can find that happy medium with their SO and their crossdressing, but I honestly believe no one should compromise themselves and who they are either. Explore yourselves and if you find your relationship is no longer conducive of that maybe it's just time to move on as hard as that may be.