So I've been crossdressing since 4 years old, most of my life it's been a very deep hidden secret. When I was 33 I divorced. My wife had been having an affair for 6 years. She attributes her affair to my crossdressing. Anyways I met the most amazing and accepting women who made me feel okay to be me I now crossdress probably 75% of the time. Since I've been doing it so much I feel much more comfortable with it and care less about what people think. I don't pass well though, and I'm in the closet with most family and work. Lately I've been obsessed with mtf transition videos on youtube. It amazes me what hormones do, and I desperately long to be more feminine. I read a lot about how they knew they were women their whole lives though, and I don't remember feeling that way ever. Maybe the last year or so I have been feeling like that, but the thought of transition is scary. How do you know, it's scary but also an exciting idea. Those videos are so inspirational. Thanks for any help.