The above comments have truth and merrit, but I personally am glad that I am in a "mostly" DADT, as opposed to total closet. For me, there is a question of integrity, honesty and self acceptance that I feel is better by going to DADT. Does she dislike it, or is there friction, sure. But I hate lying or being lied to.
The most difficult part of DADT may be the clinging on to hope that she will somehow become more accepting or participative. It can and does happen, but often not.
