If You Could Go Back And Do It All Again

[Teresa]

Bailee,
I'm 65 now but looking back to when my CDing started at the age 8-9 years I didn't think of it as a gender thing, all I knew was it had to be hidden away, wearing your sister's clothes was not the thing to be doing as a boy. when I started dating , my first GF suggested I wear her panties, as she asked me I felt there was nothing wrong in this. My next GF found me wearing her baby doll nightie and really went for it so again I thought there's nothing wrong wit it. When I married I didn't mention it to my wife, naively I thought all women were OK with it. I guess I felt is was something I carried over from my childhood that would eventually go away . It took twenty years for it to really become a problem , I wanted so bad to come out and be accepted, I told my wife but the DADT wall went up fairly quickly, I guess that made it more of a problem because I felt so rejected and unloved . Moving on another twenty years I had to do something about it so I joined the forum, and immediately found people older than me still dressing and enjoying it, that's when the penny really dropped that I realised I was born like it and it's for life . Through counselling and finally finding AGP is what makes me tick, I've finally beginning to achieve my goal, to come out and be seen and accepted as a woman.

OK that's a little long winded in answering the question, would I have done things differently ? We can only ask this question when we reach a certain age anyway, what ever we choose to do in life it will have regrets. If I had known then what I know now, I might not have two great children and three lovely grandchildren. I have done so much with my wife over the years , I might not have traveled as much , my life wouldn't possibly be as rounded , my regret now is that my wife can't accept that I have battled with these feelings for so long and now I'm beginning to find answers to it she can't allow herself to let me be totally open with both sides of me. I suppose the way I've worded this it's understandable she doesn't want to lose the man who lived this life with her. That is one question I can make no promises about, I keep telling myself I'm too old to change now but it's becoming stronger than ever , which is something I never expected.