My greatest temptation is to tell my friends about my crossdressing, but judging on how that's gone so badly in the past, I simply keep my mouth shut.
I'm in an odd position, though, as far as transgender feelings are concerned. Growing up for so long, believing that I was truly a girl, and just waiting for god to fix me, has left me feeling that I'm really supposed to be a girl. That feeling never, ever goes away. I always feel as if I'm supposed to be dressed as a girl, and have tremendous desires to really be one, which I manage to keep suppressed by indulging in various other activities that keep those desires at bay. The problem is, that despite the great desire to BE female, I'm not one. Everything else about my personality is male, and of course, my body is not, and never was, a candidate for transitioning. At six foot four and well over 200 pounds, the only female that I'd ever come close to resembling MIGHT be Dot Jones. But then I remember the facial problem (scar from a birthmark), the irregular teeth, the bald head, brow bar, and all the rest of the things that differentiate a male from a female, and realize that it was never going to be right, no matter which choice I made. Maybe if it happened today, and at a young age I started on hormone blockers, with all the plastic surgery available, things might have turned out different, but I don't think so. There were simply too many obstacles.
