If I understand Kelly correctly (and her answer to Char's targeted demonizing of crossdressing as being in a special category all of it's own as far as "unacceptable" behavior is concerned), her point is that people bring all sorts of - and sometimes unrevealed - baggage into a marriage or a relationship. Any of these might result in unexpected and often intolerable levels of stress that may ultimately result in its disintegration.
I can think of dozens of "vices" to add to Kelly's list that - if looked at logically or dispassionately - are innately far worse or destructive than crossdressing. And yet, society seems to have positioned this predilection as being some sort of extraordinarily perverted and shameful type of indulgence for which zero tolerance is often indicated.
Clearly, logic has nothing to do with this...it is all about "feelings": a GG's sense of her own femininity, attractiveness, and perception of self-worth (and dare I say it? - "jealousy"?) in relation to this "other woman" who is sometimes seen as a potential competitor with regard to her partner's affection and attraction to her. That, and the terrible fear that accepting a crossdressing husband or SO by default makes her a lesbian, which she decidedly is NOT, given her strong innate attraction to the masculine.
As those of us living in a DADT relationship can attest to, dealing with this type of rejection and hostility it is like being in a constant state of opposing ying and yang forces, and both partners suffer equally as a result. We may have done or spouses or SO's wrong in not revealing this side of ourselves before marriage, but they often more than make up for this sin of omission by making our lives miserable afterwards as their form of payback.
