Roberta,
Maybe look back to your childhood and think how would you would have felt if you dad had come out to you. OK I don't know you age but for my generation would I have come to terms with it being faced with that ? My dad was over six feet tall and weighed about twenty stone ( 280lbs ? ) and red hair and a beard , the image of him in a dress and coming out , I think I might have run a way from home as a child !

I can see you have to achieve a balancing act , it does take time , the problem is there are no rules , what works for one could be a total disaster for another . I believe you have done the right thing , ask members here , put the answers together and work out what could work for you . To me my kids are precious , they are what we were put on the is planet for so we should take care of them first , there will come a time when we need that help in return , it's inevitable age or illness takes it's toll . I still feel I pitched it right I have the support of my family now when I need it to get through my separation ,they are here for me now if I want them , it' a good feeling .